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Thread: Please have a look!!!

  1. #1
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    Please have a look!!!

    Dear All,
    teacher will ask me to review this during our next lesson on Mon.
    Are there mistakes? How bad/good is it?
    Task was to invent a letter of protest and send it in to a newspaper
    Thanks a lot for your help
    Sal

    Dear Editor,

    as one of your long time reader I was very disappointed when noticing the ingenuousness with which your staff columnist Mr.Hill commented on Russia's recent presidential elections.
    The idea of Putin being a sort of “dictator” (yes, the very same term was used by Mr.Hill in his latest attempt to enlighten readers on the savagery of Russia) has now been on the western press for ages, so I really do not feel like attacking Hill for having followed what appears to be quite an established trend within the editorial world. Nevertheless, all papers need di forte impatto*** headlines to keep the sales going, and yours seems like it is not going to be the exception.

    Is there a difference between following a trend, and reverting to deliberately slander a president who was democratically voted? Yes in my opinion, but this seems to escape the sophisticated mind of journalists like Mr.Hill. The fact I find particularly annoying is that he is not only offending the russian president, but denigrating the whole country of Russia. At least I would appreciate if he had taken the time to check its facts before publishing that nonsensical rant.

    No one is arguing that the russian political system is either free of guilts or a fine example of the democracy advocated by westerners, but accusing Putin and his allies of obtaining votes through the intimidation of their political opposers sounds simply ridicolous. Neither Putin nor his allies needs to intimidate the opposition and the reason is simple: there are currently no politicians in Russia which would be able to get more than a few votes. Did Mr.Hill ever bother to read the polls? I do not think Putin's success can be reduced to the demagogy Mr.Hill has resorted to in his article.
    The truth is that Russians likes Putin, and if the West is not ready to digest it, that is not something the populations should be concerned with.

    Having said that, I wish Mr.Hill could really reconsider his career, no doubts he would be better off writing out comic strips.

    With best compliments
    John (London, UK)


    ***
    impactful? i mean sht that will inevitably produce shock between readers

  2. #2
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    A lot of mistakes but it is understandable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by alterego View Post
    A lot of mistakes but it is understandable.
    grammar mistakes? logical mistakes? lexic?

    could you pls point a few?

  4. #4
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    Dear Editor

    As one of your

    one of your long time readers

    when I noticed

    president Putin

    slandering

    democratically elected.

    Yes, in my opinion,

    Sophisticated mind of (you accuse them of slandering and then you resort to sarcasm?)

    Russian president

    His facts

    Russian political

    free of guilt (corrected from ‘guilts’ but still the wrong phrase)

    Westerners

    political opponents

    ridiculous

    need to intimidate

    success can be reduced to the demagogy Mr.Hill has resorted to in his article
    (correcting this would take more time than I am willing to spend)

    Russians like

    digest it(maybe ‘accept it’)

    population (corrected but still a poor word choice)

    concerned with.(using ‘concerned’ just makes me wonder what the intended purpose of this sentence was)

    would really reconsider

    no doubt

  5. #5
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    thank you, i will try to improve my writing through your corrections

    let me think i still think there is a huge difference in the way europeans write and english write

    it seems that all english people stick to the rule "less is more", that any sentence mustn't be more than 2 lines and any concept must rely on easier vocabulary (ie. to accept rather than to digest)

    you also said my letter had lots of mistakes, I am curious to see what my scottish teacher thinks about that

    telling "it is full of mistakes" means it was poorly written

    how would you rate the proficiency of my writing in that letter? elementary, intermediate, advanced?

    then i really dont understand why i cant accuse them of slandering and then resort to sarcasm

    what does it mean sarcasm for you?

    take care, thanks for editing a bit

    Sal

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    It's not that a sentence should be limited to two lines but it should be limited to two ideas. Consequently it tends to be short. I didn't even address your rather long sentences.

    Simple words are not expected but correct ones are. 'Digest' means to spend time thinking about. I don't think that is what you wanted. If 'accept' is too simple for you then you could use
    adopt
    admit
    accede
    acknowledge
    bear
    bow to
    recognize
    agree to/with
    suffer
    concur

    none of these means exactly accept so you would choose the one that had the nuances that you want.

    I would say that your spelling is upper intermediate
    your sentence grammar is upper intermediate
    your vocabulary is intermediate
    and your persuasive writing style is intermediate at best

  7. #7
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    Thanks again Alterego

    so what do you think about the level of my TOEFL's simulation?

    http://www.expat.ru/forum/teachers-d...-fortoefl.html

    why my spelling just intermediate? where i made mistakes?

    to be honest i think my ability to spell in english is at least advanced

    even when studying in england i didnt have problems with the various "beneath" "through" though", etc... my englis classmates had

    as concern my vocabulary, thats not intermediate at all, you are the first teacher telling me that

    PS. this is just to talk, i appreciate your advice even if it is negative about my performance. i am a student, you are a native and a teacher

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    Quote Originally Posted by SalTheReturn View Post
    why my spelling just intermediate? where i made mistakes?
    Did I waste my time listing your mistakes earlier in the thread?

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    no you did not waste my time and i am curious whatt teacher will tell me mon and how she will edit the letter

    does not a spelling mistake implies that i wrote bad a word?

    ie,
    not "through" but "trough"

    where i made such mistakes in my letter?

    are you sure some of my spelling is not highly accepted in UK?

    why it does not make sense

    it is not something a population should be concerned with

    it means that they should not care about what the west say

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    Quote Originally Posted by alterego View Post
    Did I waste my time listing your mistakes earlier in the thread?
    Quote Originally Posted by SalTheReturn View Post
    no you did not waste my time and i am curious whatt teacher will tell me mon and how she will edit the letter

    does not a spelling mistake implies that i wrote bad a word?

    ie,
    not "through" but "trough"

    where i made such mistakes in my letter?

    are you sure some of my spelling is not highly accepted in UK?

    why it does not make sense

    it is not something a population should be concerned with

    it means that they should not care about what the west say
    Please note whose time is being referred to. (Sorry, ended the the sentence in a preposition, but all this seems colloquial enough.)

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by SalTheReturn View Post
    Thanks again Alterego

    So what do you think about the level of my TOEFL's simulation?

    http://www.expat.ru/forum/teachers-d...for toefl.html

    Why is my spelling just intermediate? Where have I made mistakes?

    To be honest I think my ability to spell in english is at least advanced.

    Even when studying in England I didn't have problems with the various "beneath" "through" though", etc... my english classmates had.

    As concerns my vocabulary, that's not intermediate at all, you are the first teacher to tell me that.

    PS. this is just to talk, I appreciate your advice even if it is negative about my performance. I am a student, you are a native and a teacher
    Sal - the letters etc in bold are corrections to what you wrote.

    Count them - 21 corrections in 111 words; do you really think you are Advanced?

    Alterego has taken time to help you and you respond with insults. I would say his assessment was a little generous actually.
    Last edited by Gypsy; 09-03-2008 at 03:27.
    Don't you know this deuce is still wild.

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    Sal, either your English is worse than I thought or you just have an ego problem which is limiting your effective use of any communication.

    What has been refered to as my generous appraisal of your English was based on the letter that you wrote for your assignment. Although not perfect, it was head and shoulders above anything else you have written in this forum.

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    Quote Originally Posted by alterego View Post
    Sal, either your English is worse than I thought or you just have an ego problem which is limiting your effective use of any communication.

    What has been refered to as my generous appraisal of your English was based on the letter that you wrote for your assignment. Although not perfect, it was head and shoulders above anything else you have written in this forum.
    Just get a spell checker. Even in the thread you called "My teacher sais I am ready for TOEFL" you spelled the word "says" wrong. And use a dictionary and use Google. You can search for specific combination of words and if you don't find it, you know it not typically used in that combination. Just use the tools you have and you will find yourself improving rapidly.

    Alterego's corrections are right on the money. I agree 100% with all of them.

  14. #14
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    If you don't want to type your posts into Word first so that you can use spell check, try using Firefox; it has a spell checker built in when you post, so you get little red lines under the suspect words.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Malypense View Post
    If you don't want to type your posts into Word first so that you can use spell check, try using Firefox; it has a spell checker built in when you post, so you get little red lines under the suspect words.
    Does Firefox do grammar checks as well?

    With Word the green underline shows you when the grammar is suspect, or when you've used "their" instead of "there" or "they're", as Bels does for example.
    Don't you know this deuce is still wild.

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