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Thread: Divorce with children while abroad

  1. #1
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    Divorce with children while abroad

    Hi,

    I need to get a divorce but I'm currently in the US, my spouse is in Russia. We have a child, 5 years old, he has dual citizenship and lives there with her. Obviously I can't come to Russia at the moment. We are only legally married in Russia. I understand I can still get it done by giving a lawyer power of attorney, but I was wondering if anyone had any experience or a reasonably priced lawyer to recommend.

    Thanks

  2. #2
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    I managed to turn a really difficult marriage to a Russian around. It’s still difficult, but going on 30 years together, overall happy. Problems? Absolutely. But I’m glad I’ve fought to hold it together. I even wound up translating a book into Russian on what the essence of marriage is. It was really helpful to me. And my kids have their parents together. A lot of sacrifice, but it’s not easy for her, either.

    Just saying that we generally don’t know what we’re doing when we get divorced, because we didn’t know what we were doing when we got married. I figured it out, and turned everything around.

    Best of luck to you and yours!

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  4. #3
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    Rus is right, but I think long and hard. The best thing for your child is for you to be with them and their mother.
    If you trust the government you obviously failed history class. " George Carlin"

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    Rus and Wally, do we know anything about why OP is in need for a lawyer, other than he need a divorce? No we do not, his situation otherwise we have no clue what so ever.
    I read his request as: He need somebody to represent him in a divorce case, a lawyer is a clever choose if he can't come himself.
    There is a few things that need to be taken care about if a divorce:
    Splitting of the home and values.
    Custody of the child.
    Alimony, and this can go both ways, we do not know.
    If a divorce is the right solution for OP and/or his wife is their business, and if it is inevitably, they better do it right and get professional help, and a lawyer is a good helper.

    Be aware that it looks like that he is in the US, and the mother and child are in Russia, the marriage is apparently not recognised by the US authority, so if he would merry someone else in the US then he could just do so, because from a US point of view he is not married, so there is no reason to get expensive to lawyer and what not, but he choose to go that route anyway.
    Of course, he may want to merry an other Russian person and they may want to go to Russia without any risk for strange events in the future, we do not know, only speculations, just like what ever reasons he may have to divorce, just speculations.

    Btw: OP should tell about what city in Russia he would like to do his divorce stuff in.

  7. #5
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    I just gave my opinion on divorce, not says he shouldn't do it. I have been divorced in Russia once so maybe I know a little bit about it. My wife and I had no property together and no children so it was the easiest kind. Russia does frown on divorce so once my wife filed it still took 45 days. My wife came from a closed city so I didn't need to be present, they told her if she didn't come back in 45 days to stop it they would put it through. As far as custody he gets it automatically, she'd have to spend a long time proving why he shouldn't have it and he would need to be present. Russia will also not deprive him of a visa or right to see his child. And you're wrong about the US not recognizing the marriage, they do. Someone should get a hold of Natlee, she's been through all this but from the other side. Oh and if he wants to take his child out of Russia the mother must give signed permission.
    If you trust the government you obviously failed history class. " George Carlin"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Wally View Post
    And you're wrong about the US not recognizing the marriage, they do.
    I may had been unclear about what I was writing, sorry, what was to be understood is the context: If an authority do not know about an event, they can't take it into consideration even if they should do. So if the US authority do not know about any marriage, they can not prevent one from engage in a new marriage.

    I am fully aware that most authority's around the world more or less automatically recognizes a marriage that had happen in Russia, been there got the t-shirt.

    To hide the information that one is already legally marriage and engage into a new marriage may give legal, and other, problems down the road, but that is an other issue.


    I had been working in that office where marriages did take place, I had nothing to do with that part, I was just oiling the chain so to speak, but it did happen that people came and wanted to get marriage and oh... my... a look in the record showed that one, or both, was already marriage, the girls at the counter did not like to expose this info, especially if both party's was present, but they always had to tell us about the event later, and the final line was always: How can you forget that you are marriage?

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hans.KK View Post
    Rus and Wally, do we know anything about why OP is in need for a lawyer, other than he need a divorce? No we do not, his situation otherwise we have no clue what so ever.
    I read his request as: He need somebody to represent him in a divorce case, a lawyer is a clever choose if he can't come himself.
    There is a few things that need to be taken care about if a divorce:
    Splitting of the home and values.
    Custody of the child.
    Alimony, and this can go both ways, we do not know.
    If a divorce is the right solution for OP and/or his wife is their business, and if it is inevitably, they better do it right and get professional help, and a lawyer is a good helper.

    Be aware that it looks like that he is in the US, and the mother and child are in Russia, the marriage is apparently not recognised by the US authority, so if he would merry someone else in the US then he could just do so, because from a US point of view he is not married, so there is no reason to get expensive to lawyer and what not, but he choose to go that route anyway.
    Of course, he may want to merry an other Russian person and they may want to go to Russia without any risk for strange events in the future, we do not know, only speculations, just like what ever reasons he may have to divorce, just speculations.

    Btw: OP should tell about what city in Russia he would like to do his divorce stuff in.
    Hi, Hans,
    Yes, we do. We know something about every man because we are men, and therefore, to an extent, are inside all men, and can understand the things that are common to all men. Do I know the specific situation? No. But I do know that it IS possible to save nearly ANY marriage, barring spouses swinging axes and setting the house on fire, and frankly, while such people exist, the percentage is too small to be seen by the unaided human eye.

    I translated a book dealing with the essence of marriage itself. The truth is that millions now do not know what that essence is, whereas learning what it is can help them avoid serial marriages and divorces in vain efforts to find "the right person".

    So shoot me if I strike any blow trying to help people discover that and save marriages and have kids grow up with their own natural parents, who learn over time how to love each other when it becomes REALLY hard. I think that for the non-Christian, divorce has to remain an option; there are reasons why it has been with us from antiquity. But Christians really do have a solution for saving marriages and turning hard ones into more or less happy ones. It involves self-sacrifice, forgiving, and loving when you don't feel like it, which a lot of people don't want to do. But letting marriages break down en masse is more destructive. When you get married, it isn't just your private affair and none of ours. It affects people in concentric circles, radiating outward from the spouses, to their children, to their in-laws, to their friends and neighbors. If you get divorced it does in fact affect me. Society has a real interest in preserving marriages, and the society that loses sight of that is decaying and will eventually collapse.

    I wish the OP all the best, but I think the true best would be to go for the Christian solution. But it's hard. Nobody says it's easy. It's just better in the end for everybody in nearly all cases, especially the children. If not, good luck finding your lawyer!

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  12. #8
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    Love, true love, in a marriage, is not just for when it is convenient. Christians don't have a monoply on the "solution", not that Rusmeister was inferring so, but I deem it worked for him.
    If you're going to be dumb, you better be tough...

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  14. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barontobasco View Post
    Hi,

    I need to get a divorce but I'm currently in the US, my spouse is in Russia. We have a child, 5 years old, he has dual citizenship and lives there with her. Obviously I can't come to Russia at the moment. We are only legally married in Russia. I understand I can still get it done by giving a lawyer power of attorney, but I was wondering if anyone had any experience or a reasonably priced lawyer to recommend.

    Thanks
    If you are legally married in Russia, then you are considered to be legally married in the US and in all the rest of the civilized world, and you are not free to remarry anywhere so long as your marriage has not been legally terminated.

    According to both US and Russian law, the 'status' of being married may be terminated in the jurisdiction where either party is a resident. But property issues may only be decided in the place where the property is located, and child custody and support matters may only be decided in the place where the child or children reside.

    Yes, it would be best to get a lawyer here to represent your interests, or to give you specific advice on your situation.

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  16. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hans.KK View Post
    I may had been unclear about what I was writing, sorry, what was to be understood is the context: If an authority do not know about an event, they can't take it into consideration even if they should do. So if the US authority do not know about any marriage, they can not prevent one from engage in a new marriage.

    I am fully aware that most authority's around the world more or less automatically recognizes a marriage that had happen in Russia, been there got the t-shirt.

    To hide the information that one is already legally marriage and engage into a new marriage may give legal, and other, problems down the road, but that is an other issue.


    I had been working in that office where marriages did take place, I had nothing to do with that part, I was just oiling the chain so to speak, but it did happen that people came and wanted to get marriage and oh... my... a look in the record showed that one, or both, was already marriage, the girls at the counter did not like to expose this info, especially if both party's was present, but they always had to tell us about the event later, and the final line was always: How can you forget that you are marriage?
    Well at least you are nice enough to oil someone's chain before you pull it.
    If you trust the government you obviously failed history class. " George Carlin"

  17. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by bydand View Post
    Love, true love, in a marriage, is not just for when it is convenient. Christians don't have a monoply on the "solution", not that Rusmeister was inferring so, but I deem it worked for him.
    Yes, I was not saying Christians have a monopoly on love, a word which desperately needs definition.
    But I think they do, generally speaking, have a monopoly on things like loving your enemies and forgiving all things, always. For the Christian (speaking only about serious faith, not ubiquitous nominalism), commanded to love his neighbor and love his enemy, how can he make an exception for his wife?

    The main thing I learned is that it is REALLY hard to hate someone who is deliberately loving you, self-sacrificially, without expecting any payback. It makes the other forms of love, affection, friendship, and erotic love, possible.

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  19. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by rusmeister View Post
    I managed to turn a really difficult marriage to a Russian around. It’s still difficult, but going on 30 years together, overall happy. Problems? Absolutely. But I’m glad I’ve fought to hold it together. I even wound up translating a book into Russian on what the essence of marriage is. It was really helpful to me. And my kids have their parents together. A lot of sacrifice, but it’s not easy for her, either.

    Just saying that we generally don’t know what we’re doing when we get divorced, because we didn’t know what we were doing when we got married. I figured it out, and turned everything around.

    Best of luck to you and yours!
    My friend D, who is always quoting the Bible to me, "The Lord says to keep your house clean," (when seeing my messy house full of antiques and old books piled everywhere) or "The Lord says about this or that", etc. And it's hard to disagree with "The Lord."

    One day he started talking about leaving his family and going on the road, to do the "Lord's work." He was not quite decided, and asked me about it. I sensed he wanted to get my okay.

    Me: Why you wanna do that?
    D: I need to leave (the city here), The Lord is calling me to (another area of the country), and His work is (more) important.
    Me: That wouldn't be ethical would it?
    D: What do you mean?
    Me: Your first ethic is yourself. Don't do drugs, etc. Don't harm your body. Once you got that squared away, then your second ethic is to your family. You have obligation to support your wife and children. If you leave, they will be harmed (by the absence of your (financial and moral) support).
    D: The Lord's work is more important.
    Me: Yes, I know. You should do the Lord's work, but only after you have yourself and your family in good condition. Then do the Lord's work. Before that, your primary obligation is to your family.
    For once, he appeared to actually be listening to me.

    He did not leave, he is still with his wife (she quit her paying job and stays at home watching TV, but also volunteers at his church's food-bank) and he is trying to support her, his kids and new son-in-laws, etc.

    His wife does not like me. I think she looks at me, and my friendship with D, as a threat to her happy family.

    Little does she know.
    Last edited by TheInterocitor; 24-05-2020 at 08:26.
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