English Nanny        British Lyceum in Moscow
Page 1 of 7 1234567 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 95

Thread: divorce

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    347
    Thanked: 4

    divorce

    I need to file for divorce from a Russian citizen, or at least get some good advice and information. I've posted about this before, here goes again. I'm American, married to a Russian man since 2004. I gave birth to our baby daughter in December two months ago in the U.S. I was living with my husband in Moscow when I got pregnant and left soon after, which he was not too happy about. He came to the U.S. a week before our daughter was born and spent two months complaining and accusing me of "stealing his child" before he went back to Moscow a few weeks ago. He kept saying he wanted a divorce, but I doubt he's done anything about it. He wants me back with him in Russia; this is not what I want, I now feel I'm better off just raising our daughter alone without him (it's a sad situation, but she really is better off with me). If he does file for divorce, will the Russian court try to award him partial custody? I just have no idea how this might work. I can file from my state, but I don't even know what I'm after- visitation seems pointless since he just does not want to come to the U.S., and I don't know how this would work if it was handled by the Russian court.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Moscow
    Posts
    1,546
    Thanked: 590
    I don't know how the process works in the US, but would suggest you file there even if more expensive.

    In Russia, non-contested divorces with no children can be processed through the ZAGS (essentially registry office). But with children, I believe they _all_ go through the courts.

    While the general view is that the courts _tend_ to in Russia favour the mother re custody, etc., I know of a number of cases that went the other way. (Much grumbling, on which I have no evidence, that the courts were simply bought off by the fathers). Similarly I know of several cases of courts in Russia awarding absolutely absurd alimony/support (like a few thousand rubles a month) for fathers showing up in Land Rovers etc. Collecting alimony/child support? Good luck.

    So it will cost you more and take more time in the US, but less risk for you. I also have heard (but speak to lawyer) that US system for alimony is more strict - so if he's the type who won't pay, you'll have better protection.

    But again, speak to a lawyer. My guess is you will be better off filing first.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Moscow
    Posts
    1,546
    Thanked: 590
    An example link - seems the process is mostly the same as if spouse is in US, with the exception that the process serving has to be done according to foreign (i.e. Russian) rules.

    http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/wha...ional-spouse-1

    If the foreign spouse has left the country and is no longer in the US, the American spouse can still obtain a divorce. The process is the same as divorcing a US resident, but the guidelines about serving your spouse with the divorce notice are different. There are four steps:

    1. US Department of State website and review the rules for process serving in foreign countries. The rules of each country are different depending on the country’s treaty status with the US. Normally, for service to be valid in a US court, it must be valid in the country in which your spouse lives. Different countries have different guidelines and you may be able to perform service by mail or designated foreign agent.

    2. Complete the divorce paperwork, making sure to include both parties name and address. Also specify when and where you were married, your grounds for relief and a request to the court to grant remedies which will normally be written in the final paragraph of the petition.

    3. File the petition with the clerk of the court in the county in which you live. Make sure to get a time/date stamped copy for your records.

    4. Serve your spouse according to the rules for service in your state and in the foreign country in question. After this, the remainder of the divorce is the same process as if you were divorcing a US resident. The time frame may be longer. If your spouse does not appear in court, the judge could grant you a default judgment of divorce.

    5. Consult an attorney

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Moscow
    Posts
    1,546
    Thanked: 590
    Wanted to add: I am not certain but I think to file for divorce you _have_ to do it in a place where at least one of you lives. And I think the person starting the process (if not joint) has to do it from their own place of residence.

    So in short, may not be possible for you to start the process in Russia even if you wanted to. (And I suspect in your benefit/favour to start as that may drive the jurisdiction issue)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Just using the login
    Posts
    3,471
    Thanked: 341
    And Rusmeister in 3, 2, 1....
    Shearing piglets for too much sqealing and too little wool.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to AstarD For This Useful Post:

    natlee (27-08-2016)

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Russia
    Posts
    7,805
    Thanked: 743
    No, Astar, I've already said what can be said. Molly's heard what I have to say and that's good enough, I think.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to rusmeister For This Useful Post:

    natlee (27-08-2016)

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    347
    Thanked: 4
    Thanks, this is useful.

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    moscow
    Posts
    736
    Thanked: 378
    Why does it matter?

    Does America recognize Russian marriage?

    I get that you are married in Russia, but are you married in America, legally speaking?

  11. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Just using the login
    Posts
    3,471
    Thanked: 341
    Quote Originally Posted by americaninmoscow View Post
    Why does it matter?

    Does America recognize Russian marriage?

    I get that you are married in Russia, but are you married in America, legally speaking?
    Yes. Most countries recognize marriages performed legally in other countries. It even creates some problems with guests to American from countries where polygamy is legal.
    Shearing piglets for too much sqealing and too little wool.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to AstarD For This Useful Post:

    natlee (27-08-2016)

  13. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Goteborg
    Posts
    6,523
    Thanked: 0
    Wow, almost the exact same thing happened to a very good friend of mine who is a British Pakistani married to a Pakistani guy and once they're daughter got born all help broke loose. What was obvious is the guy was dealing with issues namely - fear of failing in UK, feeling a loss of control by being in his wife's country and not his own, fearing he wud not cope with the new environment- and fearing he wud be a lousy husband and a lousy dad in a place he felt was like overwhelming.

    So what happened? Simple - she got the guy's confidence back by telling him they was a team.

    Come on, u guys are running to lawyers just 2 months after the baby got born? Ure just throwing away ure marriage without even fighting for it.

  14. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    347
    Thanked: 4
    Jas, you are right, but in this case there may be no solution.
    Last edited by molly picon; 12-02-2015 at 21:20.

  15. #12
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    St. Petersburg, Russia
    Posts
    1,519
    Thanked: 440
    Quote Originally Posted by molly picon View Post
    Jas, you are right, but I'm thinking of my child and what's best for her (I suppose most people in these situations make the same claim).
    And if "what's best for the child" is that parents stay together, and the consequence is that the family have to stay in Russia, and that will be a tough job for the mother?

  16. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Goteborg
    Posts
    6,523
    Thanked: 0
    Quote Originally Posted by molly picon View Post
    Jas, you are right, but I'm thinking of my child and what's best for her (I suppose most people in these situations make the same claim).
    U guys got two talk cos this isn't about visas or TRP or citizenship - it's people and relationships are complicated. U got 2 see it from his point also. And lastly but no means least think of what a baby growing up without her - his dad. When u done all that u got 2 think real serious about ure own feelings with this guy. Ure a mixed national couple so it was potential to have some stress from the very start. Now those stresses are showing, is just caving in the right thing? Maybe it isn't.

  17. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Goteborg
    Posts
    6,523
    Thanked: 0
    Quote Originally Posted by Hans.KK View Post
    And if "what's best for the child" is that parents stay together, and the consequence is that the family have to stay in Russia, and that will be a tough job for the mother?
    Engaging lawyers and nuking ure marriage doesn't sound to cool either 2 me.

  18. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    347
    Thanked: 4
    Jas, the situation is basically a colossal pile of shit and I'm not taking this lightly. My husband basically came here and detonated a bomb and ran away to Moscow (and the day he left was the first really peaceful day I'd had since my child was born). Really quite depressing. Not sure if I should be bringing in lawyers, but I do need to know what rights he has on his side if his bitterness goes that far.

Page 1 of 7 1234567 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •