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sararsara
02-06-2004, 20:12
So what if your thousands and thousands of miles away from the love of your life? You love him/her but things haven't been going so great before you left for your home country. You were depressed, lonely, and on the verge of alcoholism. You did some very naughty things while you were in your loves home country. What now, when you are home? You feel safe and happy (somewhat) but bored.

Alethea
02-06-2004, 23:27
Originally posted by sararsara
You feel safe and happy (somewhat) but bored.

Note strategic *bored*. Means you are ready to move on, no?

sararsara
02-06-2004, 23:37
Well, just meaning that I am interested in who else may be out there. I have been with this person for 5 years. What have I missed? I love him and not really wanting to leave him, but this relationship has become sooo difficult. :confused:

Midas
03-06-2004, 10:00
try something new and see for yourself. maybe you've missed something, maybe you didn't. but you won't really know unless you try it.

Toofuses
03-06-2004, 11:03
Yeah, but why endanger your green card on the basis of flexible morality?

Fa-Q!
03-06-2004, 11:05
I've got something for you sarsarsara....Once you go Southern, you'll never go back.

Midas
03-06-2004, 11:09
Originally posted by Toofuses
Yeah, but why endanger your green card on the basis of flexible morality? if you think everyone is dreaming to emigrate to america you are wrong

Toofuses
03-06-2004, 11:14
I meant green card as a generic term for foreign citizenship/residence. Might have conveyed a bit more clearly if I could have found the "dripping with sarcasm" emoticon.

Alethea
03-06-2004, 11:24
Teletubby,

I know it's a nasty thing to ask for, but ....change your avatar, baby.

This pinky bonnet of yours makes me think of expired baby food. Yuk!

Lost American
03-06-2004, 13:56
If your trying to let other people tell what they think, then you are messed! Sounds like you were not faithful and now have remorse, do you really love him?

Lost American
03-06-2004, 13:59
Oh! Does he check the Expat forums? He might have read this!

Guest777
03-06-2004, 14:50
Originally posted by Lost American
Oh! Does he check the Expat forums? He might have read this!

Maybe this is the point of this thread :)

Toofuses
03-06-2004, 15:50
Originally posted by Alethea
Teletubby,

I know it's a nasty thing to ask for, but ....change your avatar, baby.

This pinky bonnet of yours makes me think of expired baby food. Yuk! Done.

sararsara
03-06-2004, 18:21
Well in so many ways, I guess haven't been. Just hurt and confused right now. I feel lost here in America and not really sure if he ever cares to truely understand me there, in Russia. He is so busy or seems to be and I am so alone there, or thats how it seems.

Alethea
04-06-2004, 01:21
Originally posted by Toofuses
Done.

Well done;)

sararsara
04-06-2004, 03:54
This thread is about me and my problem!!:rules: Waaazzz up?

psiems
04-06-2004, 07:26
this is pathetic.

sararsara
04-06-2004, 17:03
What is, psiems?

Matt Bury
05-06-2004, 02:42
Hey, it's a big step to take to move to another country and you're bound to have a lot of doubts and reservations about it.

Bored? Well do something!! I've got a flatmate in the same position at the moment. She's French and living with her Spanish boyfriend. Basically she's living her life for him - She hasn't got any friends of her own and she seems pretty depressed and bored. It think it's a perfectly normal reaction. She's here for no other reason than to be with him and I think that puts a lot of pressure on your expectations of the relationship - ie. He has to be your raison d'etre which is a little too much to ask of one person no matter how wonderful he is.

Do yourself a favour, get a life, find some friends, get a job, join a club, go out and do things without your boyfriend so that at least you've got something interesting to talk about.

I know it sounds pretty cliché but it's true!!!

Good luck!!

polly
05-06-2004, 02:50
sara, sounds like you are ready to move on. be a big girl and tell him.

Matt Bury
05-06-2004, 03:14
Originally posted by polly
sara, sounds like you are ready to move on. be a big girl and tell him.

I don't think so. Having doubts is normal in any relationship. It doesn't necessarily mean the end.

Sararsara, you know more than anyone how you feel and what you want. You seem pretty clued-up about life so I guess you've got a good idea of what the possibilities are for you and your boyfriend.

Do the right thing for you!

chrisj_m
09-06-2004, 13:44
sarasara, I'm in the same position - living in the UK whilst my gf is now back in Russia. We've been in a relationship for quite a while now and I'm finding this new long-distance element *very* difficult to deal with.

The long - distance element obviously means you guys aren't physically near, and that element can be quite important to people - and we need to find different ways of expressing our feelings to each other in whatever ways are currently available to us... if I'm feeling lonely or whatever, picking up the phone and hearing her voice, listening to what's going on in her day, just telling her what's going on here and both saying we love each other works wonders for us both :)

I proposed to her in the easter of this year, and she's taking her time to answer - understandably, but it's now been two months - and as I promised she could take her time to think about it - am now going quite nutty! lol

The other day she said she's been offered a job in moscow, and so is staying there and not coming across here for the holiday we planned together, nor the holiday in france we had planned either... I'm still going out there in August, however, and am hoping we can talk things through + have some good times out there too ;)

I love her completely and am willing to wait and work through any situations that could try to get in the way --- I have no idea what she feels about the situation deep down inside, but I trust her and want to make it work :)

If a relationship can survive situations like these, I'm sure it can survive whatever life has in store for it - if you want to be with him, go for it :) If you're saying on the other hand that you don't think it's going to work at all and aren't wanting to try - it's time to be honest and deal with the issues, but don't be too hasty in giving up in something that you want but think is 'difficult' - neither option is 'easy', but I hope you both find happiness :)

sararsara
09-06-2004, 18:46
Chris,
Yes it is very difficult. Everyday it seems to get more difficult, simply because I am becoming used to being without him around. I hate to think that maybe it won't work. He has pretty much refused to live in America, although he studied here for 4 years, I guess we didn't make a great impression on him. Honestly I feel like Russia would break me if I tried to live there again (as it almost did), so what am I supposed to do? He has great prospects there, and I only have my family and sanity here. One of us must decide and it hurts to think that it may be over, because I really love him soo much. Thank you for your understanding, it seems to be a common situation. :(

chrisj_m
09-06-2004, 20:15
I don't know what to do either - she says she might consider moving here but at the same time takes on a full time job in moscow....
I havent tried living over there on a longer term basis yet, but am giving it some thought, looking for work etc - whilst exploring work opportunities here in the UK. If I can find decent work out there I'll go for it :)

Dwelling on it 24/7 will just make you upset and even more uncertain. I'm not yet that experienced in the issue at hand, but if I was in your position the first thing to ask yourself is what is it about living over there that you didn't like?

If you can answer that, then there's one issue you can begin to address - who knows, you might find somewhere to live that doesn't make you feel so bad :) Similarly if he's adamant not to leave russia, the reasons for that could be looked into too... has he for definate said he doesnt want to move?

In my case, I'm torn between having big employment opportunities here and waiting to see if she ends up not liking her job (and thus moving here) - or to put current opportunities on hold, carve out a place for the both of us in moscow and take it from there, where she has good opportunities at the moment....
If I can find some work that'll pay a reasonable wage for us to be comfortable, I'll move over in a heartbeat.

That's not to say that conducting a long-distance relationship should be totally ruled out, but I don't know how long I can take it without knowing how long it will be until we're finally together. When faced with that uncertainty, it makes someone question the future of a relationship - and because of this, I think it needs to be sorted in the long-run :)

Matt Bury
09-06-2004, 21:28
It's great that you've found someone that you feel so strongly about and want to be with so much. You truly are lucky!
Have you guys ever thought of maybe finding a third way?
Just throw open the whole world and every possible direction to take. Perhaps you share a common dream that you can focus on, that could unite you so you'd have some clearer decisions to make.

I think we usually suffer from this kind of thing when we either don't know what we want or feel like we can't tell the other person what we really want.

Just try to be open to ALL the possibilities.

chrisj_m
10-06-2004, 01:00
good advice, thankies :)

Matt Bury
10-06-2004, 03:52
You're welcome!

sararsara
10-06-2004, 06:08
Matt,
Of course your right. Now, it hurts so very much. Did I already say that? Anyway, I don't feel complete. I wish it would/could be so simple.

Tatiana cat
10-06-2004, 08:10
The question is... Does absence make the heart grow fonder, or is out of sight, out of mind?
I've read (don't remember where) that either cliche can be used without fear of contradiction. Couples can miss each other when separated, yet be quite capable of getting on with their lives. Of course, the way you felt about the person in the first place might play its part.

However, life is like that sometimes we split up even if we don't want it ... the 2nd cliche (out of sight, out of mind) seems to be more logical...

Anyway, love will find a way ( proverb).

chrisj_m
10-06-2004, 14:49
another cliche would be to say that life isn't simple.... (nomatter how much we want it sometimes) .. :) lol - anyhow, breaking the larger problem down into bitesize pieces that can be dealt with one at a time is my approach :)

I'll have my fingers crossed for you matey - just do what you feel is right and have no regrets :)

Shatneresque
03-11-2004, 21:17
Originally posted by sararsara
Well in so many ways, I guess haven't been. Just hurt and confused right now. I feel lost here in America and not really sure if he ever cares to truely understand me there, in Russia. He is so busy or seems to be and I am so alone there, or thats how it seems.

Dump the dillweed and move on before you waste any more time!

legend
14-11-2004, 19:58
away