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xSnoofovich
16-06-2008, 14:47
46 Ways to Embarrass Yourself in Writing
By Martha Brockenbrough


One of my favorite scenes in the movie "The Princess Bride" is set atop the Cliffs of Insanity. In this cinematic fairy tale -- a romantic swashbuckling comedy directed by Rob Reiner -- a trio of kidnappers has just hoisted the abducted Princess Buttercup to the top of the cliffs. The lead thug, Vizzini, thinks there's no way that her rescuer will be able to follow them.

"Inconceivable," says Vizzini, who has thus far peppered the entire journey with this word.

Another henchman replies, "You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

In honor of Vizzini, the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar (SPOGG) has given his name to frequently misused words. These often sound alike -- they're, there and their, for example. But that's not always the case. Take "incontinence" and "inconvenience," or "moot" and "mute." They don't sound the same, and people still screw them up. I call these types of gaffes "Vizzinis."

Honestly, these mistakes are easy to make. When I do it, I blame my fingers, which move faster than my brain. And I'm not the only one with this problem.

Here's an example I read online recently in a writers' newsgroup. People were talking about typos, how bad they make you look, and whether you should offer up corrections when you see them. In the midst of this discussion, one of the members unintentionally contributed the following unfortunate lines (to keep things simple, I've edited out all the goofs but the Vizzinis):


"If you happen to notice a coworker's zipper is down ... do you discretely let him know so he can save face? Or do you go for the juggler and tell everybody in the board room?"

The writer meant "discreetly" and "jugular," not "discretely" and "juggler." Discreet with the double e means tactful or subtle. When a t separates the e's, discrete means completely separate.

The poor juggler, though. What did he do wrong? Most likely, the writer meant to type "jugular," which is a big vein in your neck that carries blood from your head to your heart. (Learn more about it here. And, for the record, if a coworker has left the barn door open, just instant-message him: XYZPDQ. This shorthand for "examine your zipper, pretty darn quick!" always worked in elementary school, and with IM, you won't have to see each other blush.)


Even writers with copy editors sometimes stub their fingers on Vizzinis. The Associated Press carried a sad story about a boy killed in a hit-and-run accident; the reporter said the child was "slowly peddling" his bike. I'm pretty sure the child wasn't selling it in slow motion. Rather, he was "pedaling."

Another reporter there recently wrote about Jerry Seinfeld's "flare" for language. True, Seinfeld did light up the comedy scene in the 1990s, but the word here should have been "flair."

Meanwhile, the Marble Slab Creamery advertises that its customers can enjoy their ice cream with "freshly pealed banana." Unless they've found some way to ring fruit, though, the sign should have said "freshly peeled."

Even the vaunted New York Times contains goofs. An online item about an antibiotic-resistant staph (not staff) infection said "It often resembles a pimple, boil or spider bite, but it quickly worsens into an abscess or puss-filled blister or sore." I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I hardly think the sores are filled with cats. Rather, the writer meant to type "pus."


Later in the same story, the writer called staph a "hearty" infection. A thick stew is a "hearty" meal. I don't think pus (or puss) qualifies. The writer should have typed "hardy," which means robust. At least he didn't screw up the spelling of staph with its soundalike. A staff infection would be every manager's nightmare. My own personal nightmare, though, would be witnessing this scene I found on MSNBC: "It was the Princess and the Pee ... when Paris Hilton stepped in a puddle of sewer water after exciting an exclusive nightclub."

Just how did she "excite" the nightclub? I can only imagine. Most likely, though, the MSNBC editors meant to type "exiting," which means departing.

Another comedic error was spotted in an office building with broken water pipes. The building manager wrote, "We appreciate your understanding to this emergency and apologize for any incontinence this may cause." Incontinence? Yeesh. Let's hope he was apologizing for the "inconvenience."

The funniest error of late, though, might be about Angelina Jolie's nude scenes in "Beowulf." She told a reporter they embarrassed her. They did something else for the reporter, apparently. He called the scenes, um, "stimulated." I think he meant to say "simulated." On his behalf, I blush. But I can assure you, however embarrassing this is -- I'm still not going to go for the juggler.

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 14:54
When I first went to meet my wife in Russia, about 15km west of Moscow, I enjoyed beautiful deep forests beside where we lived. But now what do I see! Destruction of trees at a vast rate. We continue to enjoy our walks in the daytime, and never see anything suspicious,so like alike all like all locals we accept that these suspicious activities happen at nightime, as we sometimes hear a lot of dynamite and fires coming towards us, and sometimes we are awakened and alarmed,.

MickeyTong
16-06-2008, 20:24
When I first went to meet my wife in Russia, about 15km west of Moscow, I enjoyed beautiful deep forests beside where we lived. But now what do I see! Destruction of trees at a vast rate. We continue to enjoy our walks in the daytime, and never see anything suspicious,so like alike all like all locals we accept that these suspicious activities happen at nightime, as we sometimes hear a lot of dynamite and fires coming towards us, and sometimes we are awakened and alarmed,.

Oooooh!!!!! Sssss!!!! Miaow!!!! Grrrr!!!!

MickeyTong
16-06-2008, 20:25
Anthony Burgess called words "mouthfuls of air". Really, they mean **** all.

Bels
16-06-2008, 21:12
When I first went to meet my wife in Russia, about 15km west of Moscow, I enjoyed beautiful deep forests beside where we lived. But now what do I see! Destruction of trees at a vast rate. We continue to enjoy our walks in the daytime, and never see anything suspicious,so like alike all like all locals we accept that these suspicious activities happen at nightime, as we sometimes hear a lot of dynamite and fires coming towards us, and sometimes we are awakened and alarmed,.

Where did I see this qurote before, Gypsy. Come on and let us know all your problems. As Mickey Tong is with you, and he's just thanked this quote.

Go on!! tell them who you got this quote from, and let us know all your problems, as Micky Tong is with with you. :)

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 21:48
Where did I see this qurote before, Gypsy. Come on and let us know all your problems. As Mickey Tong is with you, and he's just thanked this quote.

Go on!! tell them who you got this quote from, and let us know all your problems, as Micky Tong is with with you. :)

I am surprised you have forgotten it so soon Bels. It is yours.

And by the way, "quote" does not traditionally have an "r" in the middle, a question should have a question mark at the end of the sentence, and the sentence starting "As" needs something to finish it off. As what? The 3rd sentence is not actually english.

So I guess that is number 48.

Bels
16-06-2008, 22:23
It just shows your insarnernatyy, doesn't it :) Now what's your issue!!
What's your point!!!! I am not your Guest. You are now dealing with someone different. So spit it out!!!

Or perhaps Mickey Tong can help you out!!! You're insane! And destructive to this forum!!

MissAnnElk
16-06-2008, 22:27
It just shows your insarnernatyy, doesn't it :)


Is that anything like malvagity?

Sorry . . . that was wrong of me, I know . . .

MickeyTong
16-06-2008, 22:30
Is that anything like malvagity?

Sorry . . . that was wrong of me, I know . . .

Go to bed NOW. No milk. No cookies. No red wine.

MissAnnElk
16-06-2008, 22:32
Go to bed NOW. No milk. No cookies. No red wine.

:bedtime:

I already finished the wine . . .

:neiner:

Bels
16-06-2008, 22:33
Is that anything like malvagity?

Sorry . . . that was wrong of me, I know . . .

That was purposely done to show my point!!! wHO CARES EXCEPT THIS IDIOT. And warning, I am not Guest!!! Go for it!!! ou Gypsy!!!! I'm ready!!! Guest was one match, I'm another!!!!

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 22:34
It just shows your insarnernatyy, doesn't it :) Now what's your issue!!
What's your point!!!! I am not your Guest. You are now dealing with someone different. So spit it out!!!

Or perhaps Mickey Tong can help you out!!! You're insane! And destructive to this forum!!

I thought insults were against forum rules but doubtless you are allowed because of your Jedi Knight status (I am bowing as I say that by the way).

It is possible that I am insane; but then, how would I know? Have you read Catch 22?

You see, when you write a question, such as, "What's your point?" it really should have a question mark at the end. Similarly "What's your issue?"

So number 49? Should we ask the Admins to amend the title of the thread?

MissAnnElk
16-06-2008, 22:36
Go to bed NOW. No milk. No cookies. No red wine. All of you!

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 22:38
Go to bed NOW. No milk. No cookies. No red wine. All of you!
Yes Miss.

Enough fun for today.

Natkin
16-06-2008, 22:39
Go to bed NOW. No milk. No cookies. No red wine. All of you!

Ok, ok, as you say, Ma`am!!!:yikes:

(although I really needed a good laugh after a tough day in the office...):nut:

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 22:48
Ok, ok, as you say, Ma`am!!!:yikes:

(although I really needed a good laugh after a tough day in the office...):nut:

Always happy to oblige Nat.

MickeyTong
16-06-2008, 22:49
Ok, ok, as you say, Ma`am!!!:yikes:

(although I really needed a good laugh after a tough day in the office...):nut:

Me too. Two suicides by patients of my unit. One seriously depressed woman as a result of incompetence by Consultant Psychiatrists and a General Practitioner, an the other 73 year-old man......with much more complex issues. Next week - customer complaints, internal investigations, quality audits and staffing problems.

MickeyTong
16-06-2008, 22:50
.....and in a free market, I'm worth nothing.

Bels
16-06-2008, 22:51
And I'm loving it :) Keep it up Gypsy, as I am not your Guest:)

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 22:53
Me too. Two suicides by patients of my unit. One seriously depressed woman as a result of incompetence by Consultant Psychiatrists and a General Practitioner, an the other 73 year-old man......with much more complex issues. Next week - customer complaints, internal investigations, quality audits and staffing problems.

Ah, sorry man. Tough.

I'd prescribe a good bottle of wine, an indian and Dr Feelgood - loud.

Natkin
16-06-2008, 22:56
Me too. Two suicides by patients of my unit. One seriously depressed woman as a result of incompetence by Consultant Psychiatrists and a General Practitioner, an the other 73 year-old man......with much more complex issues. Next week - customer complaints, internal investigations, quality audits and staffing problems.

Geez, Mickey, hate to hear that!

I guess my day was much better, with only several additions to absolutely unreal recruitment plan, few quarrels about where to put a table for a new employee and 2 hours overtime.

But!!! My dear boss started my day with a compliment to my new hair cut, and with a pay rise!!!
(still wonder if there was any connection there. And if it was, why didn`t I go to salon weeks ago?)

Bels
16-06-2008, 22:57
Me too. Two suicides by patients of my unit. One seriously depressed woman as a result of incompetence by Consultant Psychiatrists and a General Practitioner, an the other 73 year-old man......with much more complex issues. Next week - customer complaints, internal investigations, quality audits and staffing problems.

I'm trying to give you another patient.:) What can we do do with him. He has already driven Guest to insanity :)

Natkin
16-06-2008, 22:58
.....and in a free market, I'm worth nothing.

If I were you, I could find hundreds here in need of your professional help!:yellowcard:

Bels
16-06-2008, 23:10
If I were you, I could find hundreds here in need of your professional help!:yellowcard:

On my email I saw a yellow card quote :) I was about to state I was seeking a red card to someone :)

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 23:19
I'm trying to give you another patient.:) What can we do do with him. He has already driven Guest to insanity :)

Your continued support of that fascist, racist, homophobic thug says more about you than I ever could.

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 23:25
YouTube- Dr Feelgood - Milk & Alcohol

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 23:28
YouTube- back in the night

Can't help with the wine and curry from here Mickey, sorry.

Bels
16-06-2008, 23:29
Your continued support of that fascist, racist, homophobic thug says more about you than I ever could.

Oh boy!! Even Guest couldn't come up with that one:) The poor defefeslive guy!! Oh dear !!! You forgot something !!! I'm British !!!! And politically correct!!! And aways have been!!!

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 23:31
YouTube- Dr.Feelgood-Going Back Home

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 23:40
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo2HIUE404M&feature=related

Here's hoping you have someone to lean on tonight.

Gypsy
16-06-2008, 23:44
Oh boy!! Even Guest couldn't come up with that one:) The poor defefeslive guy!!

No this is what your dear friend Guest can come up with though. This is what you have been supporting.


I was informed that you are very soon coming back in Moscow, bastard.

That is GREAT as I have organized something special for you! Some of my guys are VERY anxious to meet with a real bastard, they read your
messages since a few months on the forum and were really happy when I
gave you the green flag to operate.

I give you my word that you will remember all your shit life, what will fall on you! You probably didn't know where you put your dirty nose, you will quickly understand. As you told, Russia is a racist country where niggers are beaten, right? Statistics will again rise!

You will not know when, you will not know where, you will not know how, BUT when it will come you will immediately understand, and I will be personally there to hear your supplications.

And as you love pederasts, you will also have a special treatment!

Good luck, monkey! You will sincerely have regrets to have had the
attitude you had. Now it is too late to come back, it is time to PAY.
And don't worry, your boyfriend BOSCOE will be the next one. If he
doesn't run outside the country when he will learn what happened to you.

I expect you feel good supporting him.

Bels
16-06-2008, 23:53
Can't watch anything as my little ones asleep, so is everyone else. That's the life here untill our house is built. With a lounges downstairs, and beddrooms upstairs I mght start to get a life I am used to. Boy!!! Do do you know fast pace is here!!! If yu are a Brit, don't accept the same pace here. What you expect 30 days where you come from, exoect four years here. Believe me !! I hope nobody insane is going to pick on my grammar here :)

Bels
17-06-2008, 00:12
No this is what your dear friend Guest can come up with though. This is what you have been supporting.



I expect you feel good supporting him.

Because when he was around, the site was much more successful and friendly, we didn't have this bickeriing about grammar points, we just enjoyed each others talk, until you came along. What have you done for expat.ru. Hopefully others here will say I have done a lot. But what what have you done??? All you have caused so far is destruction for this site!!! Where do you come from, before January 2008 ??

MickeyTong
17-06-2008, 00:17
Gypsy, mate.....thanks for Dr Feelgood....you're a Star
:thumbsup:

Gypsy
17-06-2008, 00:29
Gypsy, mate.....thanks for Dr Feelgood....you're a Star
:thumbsup:

Good - they always did it for me.

MickeyTong
17-06-2008, 00:30
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BclS5syB9Zg

Bels
17-06-2008, 00:33
Gypsy, mate.....thanks for Dr Feelgood....you're a Star
:thumbsup:

I'm glad somene thinks so, as I don't. I have always condidered you quite rational, but not in this case. Gypsy is a destructive pratt for this forum, yes!!

MickeyTong
17-06-2008, 00:36
I'm glad somene thinks so, as I don't. I have always condidered you quite rational, but not in this case. Gypsy is a destructive pratt for this forum, yes!!

.....whatever....


YouTube- Liam Lynch: United States of Whatever

Gypsy
17-06-2008, 00:38
Because when he was around, the site was much more successful and friendly, we didn't have this bickeriing about grammar points, we just enjoyed each others talk, until you came along. What have you done for expat.ru. Hopefully others here will say I have done a lot. But what what have you done??? All you have caused so far is destruction for this site!!! Where do you come from, before January 2008 ??

Mmmm. Interesting. Destruction of the site? Really? I think the figures have improved since I rejoined the site - but I am happy to be corrected on this.

Shall we look at some facts? I've started 26 threads in 3 months an average of 8 and a bit - you average 1.8
Thanks? You average 27 a month, I average over 300. Mmm yes I see your point.

A racist thug has been banned, which you are saying is a bad thing. Or are you saying that this is what has "ruined" the site?

So to you, my pointing out the mistakes you have made is justification for supporting the thug Guest?

A very strange set of values you have there.

Can I ask you then how he managed to get banned for exactly the same thing before? Was that down to me even though I wasn't actively posting?

This was about the time you were trying to sell yourself to the other site and promising to ditch this one wasn't it?

Maybe if you looked at how you treat newcomers to the site, and how you have treated other better qualified teachers than you when they have offered you help you might find the answers you are seeking.

MickeyTong
17-06-2008, 00:41
The Rioja was finished long ago, and half the Russki Standard has been filtered through my system into the toilet, so I no longer feel like this:-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr5gdrj6bZQ&feature=related

Bels
17-06-2008, 00:51
Mmmm. Interesting. Destruction of the site? Really? I think the figures have improved since I rejoined the site - but I am happy to be corrected on this.

A racist thug has been banned, which you are saying is a bad thing. Or are you saying that this is what has "ruined" the site?

So to you, my pointing out the mistakes you have made is justification for supporting the thug Guest?

A very strange set of values you have there.

Can I ask you then how he managed to get banned for exactly the same thing before? Was that down to me even though I wasn't actively posting?

This was about the time you were trying to sell yourself to the other site and promising to ditch this one wasn't it?

Maybe if you looked at how you treat newcomers to the site, and how you have treated other better qualified teachers than you when they have offered you help you might find the answers you are seeking.

What help to teachers :) Gypsy, don't get teachers against me, because it won't happen. As I have always supported teachers, and get on with them very well.But they are terrified of you , and I'm not :)

Gypsy
17-06-2008, 00:54
Oh dear!

It seems your reading is as bad as your writing.

Gypsy
17-06-2008, 00:55
Well much as I have enjoyed your keen repartee and razor sharp wit I fear I must retire.

Vienna awaits in the morning.

kapione
17-06-2008, 00:58
will someone from Bels corner have mercy, throw in the towel !

MickeyTong
17-06-2008, 01:02
will someone from Bels corner have mercy, throw in the towel !

OK........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pD8ymBR2Ufo

Bels
17-06-2008, 01:03
Oh dear!

It seems your reading is as bad as your writing.


Agreed! I need a new computor :) S when's the next competition, as I can'tafford. Te text has been edited. As it was all mixed up

MickeyTong
17-06-2008, 01:06
Apropos of nothing - more Cheap Trick!!!! Because, just....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sCOf6MsH0o&feature=related

Bels
17-06-2008, 01:11
will someone from Bels corner have mercy, throw in the towel !

Do you honestly think I am going to throw in the towel here :)

Come on Kapione . we have been talking about this, you also want a good site, fight for it.!! Has he done any good here !!

MickeyTong
17-06-2008, 01:15
YouTube- Cliff Richard - Throw Down A Line (1975)

kapione
17-06-2008, 01:39
Do you honestly think I am going to throw in the towel here :)

Come on Kapione . we have been talking about this, you also want a good site, fight for it.!! Has he done any good here !!

my empathy was short lived ! I hope u got a good cutman in your corner Bels!

xSnoofovich
17-06-2008, 11:27
Agreed! I need a new computor :) S when's the next competition, as I can'tafford. Te text has been edited. As it was all mixed up

Did you know that Firefox has a built-in spell checker?

Mozilla Firefox in English | Mozilla Europe (http://www.mozilla-europe.org/en/products/firefox/)

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/browse/type:3

MissAnnElk
17-06-2008, 11:28
Did you know that Firefox has a built-in spell checker?

And thank God for that! Doesn't matter what program I am in, the spell checker catches my typos.

Gypsy
18-06-2008, 12:12
Because when he was around, the site was much more successful and friendly, we didn't have this bickeriing about grammar points, we just enjoyed each others talk, until you came along. What have you done for expat.ru. Hopefully others here will say I have done a lot. But what what have you done??? All you have caused so far is destruction for this site!!! Where do you come from, before January 2008 ??

Sorry, in reading your continued defense of the racist thug Guest I remembered that I had neglected to answer your questions above.

I joined expat soon after coming to Moscow 2 years ago.

What have I done? Well, started far more threads than you, for a start. And in addition, unlike yours, my threads are not very thinly veiled advertisements for my own business.

Anyway the stats are shown above I think, but if not just shout and I'll post them here. EDIT;Post 39

Gypsy
18-06-2008, 12:29
Agreed! I need a new computor :) S when's the next competition, as I can'tafford. Te text has been edited. As it was all mixed up

Firstly - your comment above is blatantly untrue, like so much that you post. The quote you posted proves it:


Maybe if you looked at how you treat newcomers to the site, and how you have treated other better qualified teachers than you when they have offered you help you might find the answers you are seeking.

This is what you posted from my original.

Below is my original post.


Maybe if you looked at how you treat newcomers to the site, and how you have treated other better qualified teachers than you when they have offered you help you might find the answers you are seeking

You state above that these words were mixed up and later edited. How could they have been when the quote in YOUR post, before your allegation, shows the same. When you edit it does not go back and change quotes,they are fixed. So by your own hand you prove yourself to be wrong.

Oh and by the way - it is computer, with an "e".

boscoe
18-06-2008, 12:42
Guys... enough already.

Thread closed!