View Full Version : Why you so dumb ???

30-04-2004, 11:22
It must be friday & ahead of the holidays ...

The A/C unit that cool's all our computer racks, DAT machine, dealer boards has broken. Main suspect the builders working on the building. Anyway, needs must and getting an engineer today is like finding rocking horse droppings. So mug the accountant & hot foot it to an electronic store and come back with a chiller unit as a temporary fix. We can switch everything off over the long weekend so no worries on that score.

I walk past the room and the machine is chugging away nicely....

Now answers on a post card - where do you think they had placed the hot air extractor pipe ......

30-04-2004, 11:25
Errmmm, in the same very-enclosed and poorly ventilated I.T. room, blowing all that lovely hot air back on to the systems????

30-04-2004, 11:26
Give the man a scone !!!!!!


30-04-2004, 11:30
LOL!! Thanks, actually it's been a while since my last afternoon tea - a scone would be delicious right now, even if it isn't the afternoon!

It's funny isn't it - if we were in any other country on earth and you had asked the same question, I would have at least had to employ some form of thought as to what the answer should have been....!!!:D

Don't tell me, the chap who came to fix/install/bugger it up - his job title wasn't "master" by chance?!?;)

30-04-2004, 11:39
Sad part is I knew when they told me job done that I should check it as I knew it was too much to hope that it was done correctly !! Alas as you say it put a smile on my face, as I refuse to let those type of things grind me down !!

Once had a business card from a chap that underneath his name it just said "Professional" nothing more nothing less - I was sorely tempted to have some printed with the words "Amateur" on them. Thus when people yell and scream that something is wrong, I could have given them a card !! Look it says there I am just an amateur - not a clue what I am doing !!!

Will make some scones this weekend - if any left will PM you - though I have this feeling there won't be !!


30-04-2004, 11:42
I beg you to make an extra large batch sir!!

Actually, if you have a tried and tested recipe - I wouldn't mind if you PMed it to me...I've got loads of flour in the cupboards with nowhere to go, and once I empty my freezer of Boscoe's bacon later today I'll be able to make millions of scones and freeze them!

I have a good source of homemade jam to go with them (if I can catch the bugger when he's at home!)...also, somewhere around is the name of a company from the west country (get orrrff my land!) who deliver clotted cream worldwide!!

30-04-2004, 11:53

Usual hunting ground for all things scone. The Mary Berry works for me .....


Oh and always dip the cutter in flour before using it - makes it cut easier and never twist to get your scone out of the cutter either should just plop out as you coated it in flour ! Otherwise you twist the scone and that isn't good !

30-04-2004, 12:20
Excellent, cheers!

Just to check that we really are on the same wavelength here (and due to things we've posted before, I suspect that we are):

Do you pronounce it s-kon or sc-own??!! For me it's definitely the latter!

30-04-2004, 12:30
S-kon ....otherwise my fav joke doesn't work !!

Whats the fastest cake in the world ?



My understanding of it is that it's a Scottish word and therefore the c would be hard sounding ....

In my defence I refer to www.scone-palace.net and The Stone of Scone

Doesn't sound right sc-own does it ....

No doubt this will now start a flame war ...which while we are at it figure out if you put the jam on first or the cream !! It varies from Devon to Cornwall !!

30-04-2004, 13:30
For me it's pronounced sc-own, which is strange considering i have a deep Manc accent and should be pronounced SKON.

01-05-2004, 16:52
Jam or cream first, doesn't really matter to me as long as it's served with a good pot of tea and the thing ends up being eaten (my me that it!).

01-05-2004, 19:20
oh come on, it's got to be cream first and jam second. Clotted cream, yes, and that strawberry jam with just a 'kiss' of ginger and lime I was telling you about... HEAVEN at breakfast, and even better shared.

02-05-2004, 01:48
Get your pectin and preserving sugar out mate - I'm still waiting for my jar of said jam!!;)

02-05-2004, 02:37
Another stupid IT one - every day at 3pm the remote database for Ma*rsk S*ealand (to name no names) slows down. They ring us up bitterly complaining boo hoo about our "rubbish application", threaten to throw it out of the window, call us every name under the sun...... so. We go around and stop them DOING A BACKUP ON THE SERVER at 3pm every day...........

02-05-2004, 02:39
Over to Germany. Another stupid IT one ? Ik*a ? To again name no names ? Should be ONE administrator account on an Oracle database - I sit down, crack me knuckles, do "select count (*) from dba_users"........ "883" it says. Ah. Right. It`s going to be THAT kind of day........... :D

02-05-2004, 02:44
Good job I didn`t mention the Ik*a developer who - every weekend - did LIVE test work on a PRODUCTION database. :D (No no no no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you feggin DON`T) - imports 23,000,000 rows into a table from a test database - takes two days and slows the main database down to a crawl - he then DELETES the huuuuuuge table - run again on Friday. Repeat until database fragmented to b*ggery.

I find out that he`s doing this and go off in "Armageddon" mode -

"WHY for God`s sake are you doing this ???????? "

"I don`t know, we`ve always done it."


- well, words to that effect.... answer from IT manager,

"No, we`ll keep doing it, we`ve always done it. "

"Why ?????? "

"Because we`ve always done it"

Pass the A/C unit, please, Random :D

02-05-2004, 07:56
When I was a kid it was fairly common for people to try and fix a television by unplugging it, turning the plug over and plugging it in the other way. As a teenager I started to learn some electronics and I couldn't see how this principle worked, not with the simple tv power supplies of that day anyway. So I asked my dad. He told me that when he was a young man he had a 2nd job of repairing TVs. Back then they were huge things and not easily taken to the shop so house calls were common. Almost equally common was to get there and find the thing wasn't plugged in. He really felt bad to charge them for a house call just for that and he felt equally bad to ask them over the phone to see if it was plugged in. So he would tell them to flip the plug over and see if that fixed it. Most of the time they would get back on the phone and say that fixed it.

02-05-2004, 13:02
V twin bike + Dave = electrocution. I couldn`t get a spark and thought I`d wired the coil up wrong, so I did the old trick of "plug against the cylinder head, see if it sparks to earth. " However, I did this by HOLDING the plug against the head - and pressing the starter - doh ! :D