PDA

View Full Version : a favour



SalTheReturn
30-04-2008, 01:46
I am preparing my video resume and need this sentence corrected/improved.
Thanks
Sal

"I am an organized individual, interested in testing myself with new aspects of journalism and in exploring new ways to stimulate the curiosity of my readers"

SalTheReturn
01-05-2008, 03:32
noone even checked that little sentence!!!

u must be all sick LOL LOL

vladimir_seroff
01-05-2008, 08:40
I am preparing my video resume and need this sentence corrected/improved.
Thanks
Sal

"I am an organized individual, interested in testing myself with new aspects of journalism and in exploring new ways to stimulate the curiosity of my readers"

Either way it would sound too pompous in a video. But you can try this (don't trust me - I am not a native speaker):

I am an organized individual, interested in developing a broader set of skills via exposure to new aspects of journalism and seriously focused on exploring innovative techniques to stimulate intellectual curiosity of my readers.

SalTheReturn
01-05-2008, 14:06
Either way it would sound too pompous in a video. But you can try this (don't trust me - I am not a native speaker):

I am an organized individual, interested in developing a broader set of skills via exposure to new aspects of journalism and seriously focused on exploring innovative techniques to stimulate intellectual curiosity of my readers.

Thanks a lot for your feedback, honestly I think your version is pompous too and definitely too long

maybe one single native speaker on this bloody site, can take the time to check?
cheers

kirk10071
01-05-2008, 15:05
I am preparing my video resume and need this sentence corrected/improved.
Thanks
Sal

"I am an organized individual, interested in testing myself with new aspects of journalism and in exploring new ways to stimulate the curiosity of my readers"

In fact, Sal, it is grammatically correct, reads well, and there is nothing to change. Seriously.

Good luck.

Orion
01-05-2008, 15:47
Your spelling is even correct! Shocking!!!

SalTheReturn
01-05-2008, 18:58
Your spelling is even correct! Shocking!!!

well Orion considering that english is almost a native language, no spelling mistakes it is what you should expect from a bilingual like me

tell me a thing, are you proud of me?:uk:

SalTheReturn
01-05-2008, 18:58
In fact, Sal, it is grammatically correct, reads well, and there is nothing to change. Seriously.

Good luck.

thank you sir.

elis
01-05-2008, 20:41
I am preparing my video resume and need this sentence corrected/improved.
Thanks
Sal

"I am an organized individual, interested in testing myself with new aspects of journalism and in exploring new ways to stimulate the curiosity of my readers"

IMHO, I would make the following adjustments. Not there's anything wrong with what you have--it is indeed all correct. Simply say "I am very well organized." Stating you're an individual is awkward. Also the fact that you are organized, really has nothing to do with the rest of your statement. Your "organization" skills should be listed with the other skills you bring to the table.

As for the rest of the statement, how about:

"I am keenly interested in exploring new aspects of journalism that will stimulate the curiosity of my readers."

The entire statement, however, begs the question of what exactly these "new aspects" of journalism are.

SalTheReturn
01-05-2008, 21:02
Thank you Elis for your first rate feedback

I will have 60secs for shooting my video resume and so there is no point in listing tecnical skills, organizational skills, etc...separately

yes you are right, "organized" has nothing to do with "new aspect of journalism"...

new aspect of journalism means sport writing, travel writing, etc...all things which I am interested in exploring even from scratch (this would be the case for instance of "sport writing")



My video resume

elis
01-05-2008, 21:14
new aspect of journalism means sport writing, travel writing, etc...all things which I am interested in exploring even from scratch (this would be the case for instance of "sport writing")



It sounds as though you're speaking about "new aspects" for yourself. If this is a video resume, whoever is viewing it wants to know what you can do for them, not what's in it for you. This may be a statement you want to reconsider.

SalTheReturn
01-05-2008, 21:38
yes i also thought that, this is why i then added a part in russian where i speak about team work

you are right about everything Elis, but really 60secs are so little!!!

thanks anyway

elis
01-05-2008, 21:47
60secs are so little!!!

thanks anyway

Indeed. Good luck!!