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View Full Version : What stops you to adopt a child?



Potty
06-10-2013, 23:04
:rolleyes:

Philolog
06-10-2013, 23:08
:rolleyes:

Why, the evil Russian government! :punk:

Alan65
06-10-2013, 23:20
:rolleyes:

Nothing so far...the reasons only get better.

BabyFirefly
06-10-2013, 23:25
I'm going to be moving around a lot for a while. Don't want to put a kid through that right now. Also, I want Max to get citizenship first.

TolkoRaz
06-10-2013, 23:30
:rolleyes:

I would make a terrible Father setting too bad an example most of time, even when sober and when not fighting! :eek:

MashaSashina
06-10-2013, 23:34
It's a hard work to bring up a child (at least the way I do it), I have one and I don't feel like I'm able to raise more.

Mr england
06-10-2013, 23:40
I think the positives would out number the negatives, but I would consider the following with greatest importance.

Age of child - if subjected to neglect, abuse, abandonment, and reached a certain age, the new life you imagine might be a lot further away than you expect, and possibly unreachable.

Law - rights of birth parents, child's wishes in the future to seek birth parents.

I worked with children in England. It was a different situation as we (the government) acted only in a protective role, taking children from abusive parents, who still had some access to their child

I'd not adopt a child or foster a child who would have any access to information about his or her real family. Nor would I adopt a child over the age of 2 years

natlee
06-10-2013, 23:54
I can barely tolerate my own :)

On a more serious note, I haven't had much luck finding that one and only who would share the joys as well as the responsibility.

Matt24
07-10-2013, 00:55
One of ours is adopted, he's fantastic - we found ourselves with enough space (physically / emotionally and financially) and the mutual desire for another kid - being in the somewhat forced community of adopters I've seen a lot of patterns in motivation, people do it from duty, boredom, desperation and efficiency - all seem perfectly reasonable drivers, however what I think should be the considerations and possibly even deciders against adopting, (or indeed, more traditional methods of parenting) - are the practicalities - will you make a good parent - note I'm saying quite deliberately parent not parents - a child is going to put massive stress on any relationship, you gotta be ready for pooh, vomit, sticky fingers on everything, your possessions, your clothes, your hair - you gotta have enough dosh or enough family to finance/blag baby sitting / you gotta consider your apartment, your car, your sleeping patterns, your entertainment choices - all of them will be disrupted, shortened, widened, postponed - and you've got to be committed for the long haul. If it doesn't sound like your sort of thing, it probably isn't and it's a blessed saving for you and your potential victims, if on the other hand you're everso slightly masochistic, then parenting is more often a delight than not, and if you get it right and you have enough luck and access to all the right support framework the major difference between adoption and traditional procreation is you can't do the adoption papers when you're drunk.


With regard to the bureacracy and process, it's a bit of a PITA - but nothing so challenging compared to the joy of being a Dad...(or Mum probably).

Alan65
07-10-2013, 02:01
Feck me.... you lot are a negative bunch....try this

Benedikt
07-10-2013, 06:54
:rolleyes:

kid would call me grand dad instead of dad...

natlee
07-10-2013, 11:28
kid would call me grand dad instead of dad... Ah but that would only make you one of many ;)

That reminds me! My dad had his third child (second marriage) in his mid forties. So, one sunny day, the whole family is at the dacha, and their youngest, aged around 5, a true Russian soul, is chatting away with the neighbor babushkas on a bench outside the house. Suddenly, my dad hears one (babushka) say, Go ahead, ask your granddad to join us! :eek:

Thank God our dad has a sense of humor :D

MashaSashina
07-10-2013, 12:04
Ah but that would only make you one of many ;)

My parents were 49 and 45 (dad and mom) when I was born. I can't say it's a good idea to have children at that age, from my experience.

natlee
07-10-2013, 12:07
My parents were 49 and 45 (dad and mom) when I was born. I can't say it's a good idea to have children at that age, from my experience. Were your the only child?

Well, sometimes the choices are between having a child at that age and not having one period. It's not ideal, obviously!

A friend of mine would agree with you, being that she spent the past few years taking care of her folks till the day(s) they died, which was a slow and painful (for all involved) process :(

MashaSashina
07-10-2013, 12:25
Were your the only child?

Well, sometimes the choices are between having a child at that age and not having one period. It's not ideal, obviously!

A friend of mine would agree with you, being that she spent the past few years taking care of her folks till the day(s) they died, which was a slow and painful (for all involved) process :(
I had 2 sisters, 12 and 26 years older than me.
I totally understand how your friend felt and my point is that risks (of all kinds) are higher when new parents are about 50, and those risks are not even taken by them, the consequences weight on children's shoulders.

natlee
07-10-2013, 12:35
I had 2 sisters, 12 and 26 years older than me.
I totally understand how your friend felt and my point is that risks (of all kinds) are higher when new parents are about 50, and those risks are not even taken by them, the consequences weight on children's shoulders. At least you have siblings. My friend had two half sisters her now late father left back when they were children, and a half brother constantly fighting for his take in the will of every late relative, who visited their mom once or twice, empty-handed, in all of the years that she was sick with cancer etc. So, pretty much the only child... But I see your point, and you're right, of course. Like I said, it's hardly ideal..

AstarD
07-10-2013, 12:51
My citizenship and additionally marital status.

Potty
07-10-2013, 22:35
Alan, you look like Cypriot. Or Italian.

Alan65
07-10-2013, 23:01
Alan, you look like Cypriot. Or Italian.

Potty....you wish :D

The whole adoption process is not easy, a bit like a few things in life, if you think about it you will never do it, sure it is a long road with loads of bumps, sure there is a long way to go but who really gives a f()ck.

What this thread does not address are the views of the child, I have told that little one off on more than one occasion, she is encouraging me to learn Russian more....its an education process for all.

This weekend I meet babyshka and dedusyska :D

The thing is Potty, and it is simple, all of this theoretical stuff is sh!te :D

natlee
07-10-2013, 23:08
With all due respect Alan, the little one is your gf's daughter, isn't she. A bit of a different story, dontcha think? Either way, the best of luck to you and all the happiness! :)

Alan65
07-10-2013, 23:20
With all due respect Alan, the little one is your gf's daughter, isn't she. A bit of a different story, dontcha think? Either way, the best of luck to you and all the happiness! :)

Wow...we now have differing degrees of adoption.

If anything I would say the route I am in is harder, simply because family members are involved and it is not just about deep pockets.

If I simply went to an orphanage, I would not be meeting the family and friends, just a bureaucrat...this route is harder, more variables!!

natlee
07-10-2013, 23:37
Wow...we now have differing degrees of adoption. Like I said, the major reason most (Russians) don't adopt is questionable genes of the baby in question. Your little one is the daughter of the woman you love, a completely different story. Hat's off to you for wanting to take on that responsibility though; the truth is, enough fathers would (and do!) gladly give it up.

Alan65
07-10-2013, 23:47
Like I said, the major reason most (Russians) don't adopt is questionable genes of the baby in question. Your little one is the daughter of the woman you love, a completely different story. Hat's off to you for wanting to take on that responsibility though; the truth is, enough fathers would (and do!) gladly give it up.

Actually, I would call it cultural, cowardice and a lack of commitment and flexibility in life, these are emotional traits....nothing to do with genes, those are scientific themes....are you saying Russians only take scientific themes into the equation?

Syed.Ahmed
09-10-2013, 01:51
Nothing! Think I may adopt one! What's the first step?

Potty
15-10-2013, 23:30
I know there are a couple of forum members who did adopted a child and are very happy about that but unfortunately I have witnessed several stories of unsuccessful adoption.
- my neighbors, close family friends in Moscow;
- my aunt;
- the headmistress of my high school;
- parents of my brother's former classmate who were in touch with my mother.

The kids ended up very badly. Jails, mental institutions, drug addiction... All of the parents are adequate intelligent people. In my view the difference of temper can take place. There are hyperactive explosive kids who naturally are to be managed by parents with the same temper. And when a phlegmatic parent gets a child-hurricane it can turn into a disaster. And there is no chance to check it as the kids are mostly adopted at the age of infancy.