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View Full Version : Why is it that people are suspicious of you when you befriend them but want nothing in return?



annasophia
31-08-2013, 15:05
Strange phenomena isn't it, when you like someone, go out of your way to befriend them, offer your sincere friendship without any reciprocal expectations--and find yourself suspect just because you are offering your friendship and sentiment without any expectation of compensation or reward?

People are actually suspicious when you like them for no reason except that they are themselves, and they reject your affection because it asks for nothing in return. As though they don't deserve to be liked for who they are, but only for what they might be expected give in return. So they suspect that you covertly want something more than they are willing to give--if you just like them, like them. You must be some kind of con.

We always seem to expect that for every affection there must be some unwanted strings attached, real downhome sentiment is not possible.

We humans are very strange. We want to be wanted and loved, but as soon as someone does love and want us, we wonder what ulterior selfish motives they must have, and how they are plotting to take advantage our weaknesses.

No wonder human history is littered with 10,000+ years of warfare.

penka
31-08-2013, 15:19
Low self-esteem? Bad experiences in life? Negative attitude to life in general? Luckily, not all people are like that.

annasophia
31-08-2013, 15:50
No seriously, I don't even know how many times I have liked someone without expectation, only to have them reject my friendship because they couldn't imagine why I would be interested in them without expecting something in return.

People are hard pressed to understand that sometimes I don't really want anything back, I just like you. Because you are you. I don't want anything in return for liking you. It's not a business deal. Or maybe it's just America?

Is it an American thing?

Russian Lad
31-08-2013, 15:55
Who knows, maybe you like them but they don't really like you? Give us specific examples.:)

robertmf
31-08-2013, 16:09
No seriously, I don't even know how many times I have liked someone without expectation, only to have them reject my friendship because they couldn't imagine why I would be interested in them without expecting something in return.

People are hard pressed to understand that sometimes I don't really want anything back, I just like you. Because you are you. I don't want anything in return for liking you. It's not a business deal. Or maybe it's just America?

Is it an American thing?

If anything I would say this trait is peculiar to Russians|Slavs; generally speaking not American at all.

It's also curious this expectation of 'something in return' goes against the Prisoner's Dilemma matrix (http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/prisoner-dilemma/#Sym2t2PDOrdPay) best payoff; which is treat someone 'well' until they do you bad.

penka
31-08-2013, 18:39
No seriously, I don't even know how many times I have liked someone without expectation, only to have them reject my friendship because they couldn't imagine why I would be interested in them without expecting something in return.

People are hard pressed to understand that sometimes I don't really want anything back, I just like you. Because you are you. I don't want anything in return for liking you. It's not a business deal. Or maybe it's just America?

Is it an American thing?

It is a human thing, annasophia.

natlee
31-08-2013, 23:03
I can only tell you that if you told me you liked me for me, I'd believe ya. I mean come on, I'm pretty likable ;) :D

BabyFirefly
31-08-2013, 23:16
I'm a weirdo, I don't really expect much in return from people's friendship. What does happen, though, is that others do want something in return, and thus will stop being friends with you if you don't have something they need.

celia
01-09-2013, 03:27
I think extroverts get their energy from other people, and I assume you're an extrovert. Extroverts' motto is "the more the merrier". Introverts (and maybe people who have had bad experiences in their lives) find other people draining, and their idea of a good time is being somewhere alone or with their immediate family. And secretly, although there are lots of different kinds of people in the world, secretly each of us thinks that underneath it all, everyone else is just like us.