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Potty
08-10-2012, 00:24
Have you ever felt that you are losing your friend just because your and his/her life has changed, maybe you are geographically far from each other, or just don't have enough time to get together or even chat online? I know it happens often when you have a family/kids and start to focus on your private life. Or your career is eating you up. But friendship is a damn good thing in life which cannot be replaced by anything else. What to do ?

rusmeister
08-10-2012, 00:33
Have you ever felt that you are losing your friend just because your and his/her life has changed, maybe you are geographically far from each other, or just don't have enough time to get together or even chat online? I know it happens often when you have a family/kids and start to focus on your private life. Or your career is eating you up. But friendship is a damn good thing in life which cannot be replaced by anything else. What to do ?

I don't think there's much you can do, except to stay in touch. A friendship might last, if you water it; otherwise, it's mostly fond memories...

Tony P
08-10-2012, 00:47
What to do ?

Be grateful for the friendship - keep in touch as long as you both are comfortable and welcoming. Even if all goes quiet, send a Birthday card or Christmas card with a brief personal message.

Life inevitably moves on in all things. Don't be sad if you drift apart - be happy for the good times and remember them well.

There was a time before you knew that friend.
You existed OK then, and you will in future if regular contact wanes.

With a positive outlook, Life compensates very well.

Potty
08-10-2012, 00:56
Life inevitably moves on in all things. Don't be sad if you drift apart - be happy for the good times and remember them well.

There was a time before you knew that friend.
You existed OK then, and you will in future if regular contact wanes.

With a positive outlook, Life compensates very well.

People, did you hear that? Isn't it amazing?
Tony, I am running to read your forum statistics to know about you.

GalinaP
08-10-2012, 08:02
I've had different kinds of friendship: from short, intense one, where you practically live each other's lives, to the ones whose steady if small fire had been burning and burning for years. The former quickly reached their climax and went into decline by us drifting apart, the latter will stay for good, I'm sure. The main thing is to be happy for everything life gives you, and even sadness about losing touch with friend is good, because it signifies the time to move on.

BabyFirefly
08-10-2012, 08:43
If both parties don't make an effort to stay in touch (and it's never been easier than these days, with Skype and email and whatnot), then they're not real friends anyway...

But people drift apart, you grow up and pursue your own life and different interests. Sometimes, and I think very often, this means you'll slowly have less and less in common with old friends.

Tony P
08-10-2012, 23:22
Thinking on a tangent - what is a friend and how do you define one?

One test could be, to be able to be with them in silence and not feel uncomfortable.

Ideas?

franzewich
08-10-2012, 23:54
Thinking on a tangent - what is a friend and how do you define one?

One test could be, to be able to be with them in silence and not feel uncomfortable.

Ideas?

A friend is a person who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

And friendship is one mind in two bodies.

MOSCOWFOREVER2000
09-10-2012, 00:01
Have you ever felt that you are losing your friend just because your and his/her life has changed, maybe you are geographically far from each other, or just don't have enough time to get together or even chat online? I know it happens often when you have a family/kids and start to focus on your private life. Or your career is eating you up. But friendship is a damn good thing in life which cannot be replaced by anything else. What to do ?
Dear Potty,

There are acquaintances, so called friends, and true friends, I understand that you talk about the last ones, true friends.

Well one of my favourite quotes is : " A true friend is one who knows all about you, and loves you just the same"

No matter what happens, the true friendship will survive.

I have over 400 contacts... acquaintances... I can call them, I can text them, I can meet them, but once it becomes personal they back up, dont understand or dont care at all, but luckely there is one special name in there, my true friend.

We spend so much time together, but ... he got married, has three kids now, and we dont see eachother often, dont call eachother often, dont text eachother often, we entered a new level of live, marriage , kids, working, .... its sad.... but you know, when he is in trouble, or needs to talk, or the way around, we take or make time to listen, or to meet, he is always there for me, and so am I for him... our hearts are in peace because we know whatever happens, we will be there for one and other...

I can tell you stories but not here and now, but let me tell you this, real friends stick together, maybe the contact is gone, but when the alarm bell goes off, she or he will be there...

Our lives have become complicated, we need 48 h days to do all we can do, and especialy to have quality time with the people we love and care about... but once again, my heart is in a state of peace, my friend is in my heart, and when iam in bed, tired, thinking about my day, the future, his face pops up once and a while, and im pretty sure he does the same, when we wake up the bussy day starts and we forget to call or text... :)
Take care,
jim

GalinaP
09-10-2012, 00:20
A friend is someone who is there for you, and who you are there for.

Ibanez
09-10-2012, 01:48
A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, that was fun!

Potty
09-10-2012, 02:24
Jim, guys, thank you for your posts.
Of course I mean certain people who I consider true friends. We know each other like forever. The first one I met when I was 8, the second - when I was 15. On the one hand yes, I know that whatever happens they will stand by my side. They proved it many times. Their support is available 24/7 if needed. But thank God I don't need it most of the time. I just need to feel their presence, that's all, that they are in my life. But sometimes it seems to me that marital/financial/other status is breaking us up. Our life became too different.
Well, what about the idea "Women friendship does NOT exist"? Does anyone agree?

Potty
09-10-2012, 02:25
A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, that was fun!

I guess it is not about women. Shit...

Russian Lad
09-10-2012, 03:44
Well, what about the idea "Women friendship does NOT exist"? Does anyone agree?

A true friend is a rare occurrence even among males, mostly people want to just use each other or have fun together. I would say a true friend is whom you can call at 4 at night and say: "Man, I am in real trouble on the other part of the town, come to this address:bla-bla and bring a kitchen knife or some other weapon, you might need it here.", and he would actually come to you without even asking questions. I have probably not more than 2 people like that in the whole world.

PeteD
09-10-2012, 04:04
Dear Potty,

There are acquaintances, so called friends, and true friends, I understand that you talk about the last ones, true friends.

Well one of my favourite quotes is : " A true friend is one who knows all about you, and loves you just the same"

No matter what happens, the true friendship will survive.

I have over 400 contacts... acquaintances... I can call them, I can text them, I can meet them, but once it becomes personal they back up, dont understand or dont care at all, but luckely there is one special name in there, my true friend.

We spend so much time together, but ... he got married, has three kids now, and we dont see eachother often, dont call eachother often, dont text eachother often, we entered a new level of live, marriage , kids, working, .... its sad.... but you know, when he is in trouble, or needs to talk, or the way around, we take or make time to listen, or to meet, he is always there for me, and so am I for him... our hearts are in peace because we know whatever happens, we will be there for one and other...

I can tell you stories but not here and now, but let me tell you this, real friends stick together, maybe the contact is gone, but when the alarm bell goes off, she or he will be there...

Our lives have become complicated, we need 48 h days to do all we can do, and especialy to have quality time with the people we love and care about... but once again, my heart is in a state of peace, my friend is in my heart, and when iam in bed, tired, thinking about my day, the future, his face pops up once and a while, and im pretty sure he does the same, when we wake up the bussy day starts and we forget to call or text... :)
Take care,
jim

Eloquently put.... My beliefs and sentiments EXACTLY!

robertmf
09-10-2012, 04:11
A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, that was fun!

LOL I have that quote on a plaque above my flat door - along with a used Texas horseshoe :sunny:

Potty
09-10-2012, 04:25
A true friend is a rare occurrence even among males, mostly people want to just use each other or have fun together. I would say a true friend is whom you can call at 4 at night and say: "Man, I am in real trouble on the other part of the town, come to this address:bla-bla and bring a kitchen knife or some other weapon, you might need it here.", and he would actually come to you without even asking questions. I have probably not more than 2 people like that in the whole world.

A question. You have a true friend who calls at 4 a.m (trouble, address, knife etc as you said) and a wife in bed beside you saying "Darling, stay with me, don't go". Who would you choose? True friend or true wife?

Russian Lad
09-10-2012, 07:16
A question. You have a true friend who calls at 4 a.m (trouble, address, knife etc as you said) and a wife in bed beside you saying "Darling, stay with me, don't go". Who would you choose? True friend or true wife?

True friend, of course.

rusmeister
09-10-2012, 07:23
Jim, guys, thank you for your posts.
Of course I mean certain people who I consider true friends. We know each other like forever. The first one I met when I was 8, the second - when I was 15. On the one hand yes, I know that whatever happens they will stand by my side. They proved it many times. Their support is available 24/7 if needed. But thank God I don't need it most of the time. I just need to feel their presence, that's all, that they are in my life. But sometimes it seems to me that marital/financial/other status is breaking us up. Our life became too different.
Well, what about the idea "Women friendship does NOT exist"? Does anyone agree?

Well, on the last, certainly not. Philia - the ancient Greek word for the kind of love we see in friends - is a reality among women as well as men.

For the rest... My best friend, from childhood closer to me than any other, (and time would fail me to tell of our adventures and shared memories and fondness for each other) got his degree in philosophy, moved to CA, "discovered" that he was "bisexual", became a neo-pagan, and when my own life and marriage went south, I reached out to him and he took me in and helped me. We remained friends, though by that time were in our thirties, but he retained pleasure in the gaming of our teen years that I had grown out of. I accepted his understanding of his sexuality, and came to know his friends and circle, including very nice and kind people - I myself was agnostic and open-minded, and told him that his friendship meant more to me than his sexuality. I saw the very best of the "LGBT" world and judging it now, am sure that I started from a very fair-minded position.

Nevertheless, we grew apart. I was becoming convinced that all of these changes in morality were wrong and that a spiritual war - as opposed to a physical one - was and is actually going on, and began, quite reluctantly at first, to believe.

Now we are on opposite sides of the fence. He is a leader of the LGBT movement, I have become an Orthodox Christian. And yet, through our friendship, our exchanges have remained courteous and friendly, and his initial reaction of hostility to my views was mollified by my acknowledgement of all the good I had seen.

But nevertheless, we have grown apart. I cannot share his path and aims, and he will not share mine. It leaves a sense of sadness, and the thing that bears me up in that general sense of loss is my family. Friends, even the best and oldest friends, can part. But ties of blood and lifelong vows create something that provide more than even such wonderful friendships. I think it is much more difficult for people without families to bear that growing apart - it leaves us so much more alone, and most of the time is inevitable in our modern world of easy travel, easy divorce and migrant movement in connection with work and livelihood.

GalinaP
09-10-2012, 08:56
Well, what about the idea "Women friendship does NOT exist"? Does anyone agree?

Women friendship most certainly does exist, but it probably doesn't look as dramatic as the men's one. Women's minds are constantly full of worry for their families etc, in fact they are the ones who keep the family together, and for that reason women's friendship can't stay that intense, it gets diluted somewhat, no?