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View Full Version : I love Moscow, but I hate my life here



BabyFirefly
11-01-2012, 18:52
So maybe that's a strong sentiment, but, I've never felt so lonely, unwanted, useless and stupid in any other place. I feel like jumping out the windows of my building just about every hour.

But it's my own fault.

*end rant, gets a drink*

Samodika
11-01-2012, 18:54
So maybe that's a strong sentiment, but, I've never felt so lonely, unwanted, useless and stupid in any other place. I feel like jumping out the windows of my building just about every hour.

But it's my own fault.

*end rant, gets a drink*

For how long are you in Moscow?

BabyFirefly
11-01-2012, 18:55
I've been here since late May, will be here till at least august 2013 (engaged to a Russian), assuming I don't go insane first.

I love the city. It's beautiful and there's so much to do. I know why I'm so depressed here, but, I can't fix it.

Samodika
11-01-2012, 19:01
I've been here since late May, will be here till at least august 2013 (engaged to a Russian), assuming I don't go insane first.

I love the city. It's beautiful and there's so much to do. I know why I'm so depressed here, but, I can't fix it.

Are you eligible to work in Russia? This will let you make new friends and not stay home all the time...

BabyFirefly
11-01-2012, 19:04
Nah, I'm a student, so I can't officially work. I tutor some kids though. It's the best part of my week.

It's not staying home that's killing me, it's what I come home to.

soprty
11-01-2012, 19:41
Maybe you should consider getting some professional help. There are many clinics in Moscow that have English speaking doctors. Sometimes just laying out your problems can really help and if you are so bad, why not try?

Also, as drtnsnw said, maybe meeting some new people is all you need but whatever you want to do, make sure you take action!

I really wish you the best of luck and am sure things will work out!



So maybe that's a strong sentiment, but, I've never felt so lonely, unwanted, useless and stupid in any other place. I feel like jumping out the windows of my building just about every hour.

But it's my own fault.

*end rant, gets a drink*

BabyFirefly
11-01-2012, 20:13
Stop going home.

Workin' on it.

On professional help, don't think I can afford it. I think I just need to meet some new people. I'm gonna try it certainly.

rusmeister
11-01-2012, 20:45
Workin' on it.

On professional help, don't think I can afford it. I think I just need to meet some new people. I'm gonna try it certainly.

I have some friends (older women) in Moscow. A couple are 30-ish, their mother is over fifty. They're Russians with fluent English, Orthodox and live right downtown (Smolenskaya). They do charity, have adopted kids, and are fairly active. I think they'd be happy to talk and listen, and maybe help you get out of your dumps. It's my wife's main Moscow circle, friends of the family for twenty years. If you really would like to try to meet people in a safe environment, I could ask them. PM me if interested.

MashaSashina
11-01-2012, 20:54
Workin' on it.

On professional help, don't think I can afford it. I think I just need to meet some new people. I'm gonna try it certainly.
I think you'll be ok in 1.5-2 months.
Your situation sounds pretty close to the way i spend 4 month (november-february) every year since i moved to Moscow and started to work all day long so stopped seeing any sun in winter.
Meeting people, going out, finding new job, going to a vacation - it all works, but at the end of february - beginning of march everything changes by itself. It's still cold, but the air smells different, the sun is shining and people in the metro looks better again. :)
Let me know if it will work for you this way. :)

TolkoRaz
11-01-2012, 23:10
It's not staying home that's killing me, it's what I come home to.

Your fiancee? :eek:

On a serious note, try to do a sport or, at least, get lots of exercise and 'fresh' air! :)

samhaina
13-01-2012, 01:41
I felt the same here for about 4 months. Tho I'm Russian and I was supposed to get new friends here in a week it didn't happen my way. You should try to find your people and your "small joys" in that huge city, maybe some really good places where to feel like safe & home. I would recommend you to be out as often as you can: skiing, ice-skating, walking in parks. Air and physical exercises can cure. But first get rid of your trouble makers if possible.

samhaina
13-01-2012, 01:54
Oops, TolkoRaz has already talked about fresh air, I'm not original, sorry :)
P.S. Built a system for yourself: get an aim to see all the parks in Moscow. Churches/chapels/old estates or else on your choice and fantasy. Start to learn Russian for fun via Skype and for free. In short, make your mind full of new information instead of keeping it processing one kind of pessimistic stuff. Everything will be just fine.

mrzuzzo
13-01-2012, 02:04
I don't get it, does this all boil down to problems with your fiance?

Why not just say it then?

Jack17
13-01-2012, 03:15
So maybe that's a strong sentiment, but, I've never felt so lonely, unwanted, useless and stupid in any other place. I feel like jumping out the windows of my building just about every hour.

But it's my own fault.

*end rant, gets a drink*
Baby, your profile states you're from Puerto Rico - that's a real jump in climate and culture since I know both Puerto Rico and Moskva. It could just be culture shock, in which case all the advice here is good. I remember feeling much as you describe when I first landed in Moskva in 1995. But if the main problem is the "fiance" well, to quote Paul Simon, there must be "50 Ways to Leave your Lover." Better find one of them sooner rather than later.
Hmmm . . . a Puerta Rican female and a Russian male; possible, but . . .hmmm.
If you really love this guy, then I'd take Rusmeister up on his offer and make contact with some other women with whom you can consort. All the Russian women I know (and probably all women I know) claim that talking to their girl friends is a genuine form of psychotherapy. As I say, especially being from Puerto Rico then finding yourself in Russia in the winter, it could be a form of claustrophobia you're suffering; it's real and a genuine problem. But if it's the "fiance" - remember the Paul Simon song.

Steph
13-01-2012, 09:58
All I can do is echo Zuzzo and Jack in asking what is so bad to come home to? Is it problems with the fiance? Or is it just not a nice home? If it is your actual surroundings, as in it isnt comfy or cosy then that could be easy to solve by cleaning, rearanging things, hanging up something colourful or patterned. But it probably can;t be that or you would have thought of it already.

Or is it other peple you live with not your fiance? Like a mother in law or roommates? That really sucks and you might not want to change it if it is just for a short time but if they really get you down then you shouldnt have to spend time with them

But if it is the fiance - then run out the door and enjoy moscow on your own, why marry someone you don't feel absolutely overjoyed with???!!!!

anyway hope you feel better soon

orlando771
13-01-2012, 10:48
So maybe that's a strong sentiment, but, I've never felt so lonely, unwanted, useless and stupid in any other place. I feel like jumping out the windows of my building just about every hour.

But it's my own fault.

*end rant, gets a drink*

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

BabyFirefly
13-01-2012, 15:36
To be fair to him, he's not bad to me. My problems with him is he thinks it's easy for me.... you know, learning Russian, adapting to a new culture, and like some of you said, totally different weather, at the same time. So if I'm stressed out because something happened he'll just shrug it off and say it's not so bad. When I was first here it was really easy because I wasn't in uni and it was summer and I just did whatever I wanted.

Not to mention his parents... they're good people, but it's obvious they would've preffered someone who at least spoke his language with fluency. The times where I'm proud of myself because I translated a story into Russian, for example, they say my Russian is still terrible, and literally they introduce me to others as "This is Max's girlfriend, and her Russian is terrible, so don't speak to her". Thankfully he defends me, but it still irks me, I just want to scream a few choice words at them.

To make everything even worse, my family back home is going through plenty of health problems, and the guilt of me being here, unable to visit them, is consuming, since I've always been able to visit them whereever I was, and they were in better health anyway. My program is very restrictive about everything but especially in terms of travel, so even if I can afford visiting my folks, and my classes start in February, they only allowed me to visit them for two weeks in the entire academic year.

My mother raised me in the typical Caribbean "don't ever complain it's a weakness" type of fashion, so I've not said anything to anyone here. I guess that heightens the sadness/lonelines I've felt. Good news is I finally broke down and told Max and he's being much more understanding now, being helpful rather than critical, and trying to take me out to walks/etc/not lock myself up inside. He fixed a few things in the flat too, made a small area in our flat with only Puerto Rican things (we went there a few weeks back; got a bunch of seashells, musical instruments, paintings, etc) and it's so colorful and happy it makes our depressing flat look much nicer. He even bought some train tickets/booked a hotel in Kazan so we're heading there today; I think he remembered how much fun I had in Smolensk and that I don't like being in the same city for more than a few months.

I definitely need some female friends though, all women do :D

Samodika
13-01-2012, 15:48
I definitely need some female friends though, all women do :D

I can be a friend :) (as I now know what it means to be almost alone in a foreign country) but I'll be back to Moscow in May only...

smulloy21
13-01-2012, 17:57
Me too - I'm in Moscow now. If you want to grab coffee (or drinks) let me know :)

shishya
13-01-2012, 21:33
As a native Moscovite, I could say that Moscow is very tough city. With very agressive surroundings. From the other hand Russians may be very kind and cordial. They may have the same problems as you, but you'll leave Moscow in a year, but they'll stay here. Every megapolice press a man in it. For me was useful to find a way howto struggle against the press. 1. Do not use "famouse Russian vodka"! It is only illusion (for my great experience)! Problems still here, but your heals and mind already may be destoyed 2. Find some REGULAR sport - in Moscow it is need 3. Try to find some solutions for your soul (philosophy, religion etc.) I found 2 and 3 in yoga few years ago, so it helps me much. 4. Find some clever friends here. Russians may be very interesting and loyal frends. Good luck. Live up! Spring is coming!

Swordfish90293
14-01-2012, 09:31
Being Latin and somewhat tropical myself I can see where the environment may be getting to you. It looks as if your relationships aren't helping. I'm not a shrink but it seems all this has spawned a touch of low self esteem in a place and time of year where this affects many people. It's normal, but being a woman from a Latin country likely compounds the issues.

Please get help, get friends. All this will pass in time so look for it to be resolved.

bev32
14-01-2012, 14:46
hi, I think the most serious problem we face nowadays is to face the reality that bangs before us and this problem won't just go away unless we face them courageously.

If there is someone who could help you best, it 's yourself.
People around, good surroundings, nice talks is undoubtedly a good help to ease it, to smoothen it but at the end of the day you still are be the one to make the point. to choose and decide.

Try to listen to other people sentiments and you will learn you are even more blessed than them. The more we set our eyes in our problems, they usually appear bigger than its reality. Cheer up!

lark44
21-01-2012, 02:21
Hi there,

Just read your pleasant reply to the lady who was fed up at home and thought you might be able to advise me wisely please.
I have been offered a governess post for very young children with an apartment ten minutes walk away from the family home which is forty minutes out of Moscow. As I'm in my fifties, I must be sure that this huge change is right for me. Any advice please?

Best wishes

Swordfish90293
21-01-2012, 06:43
Hi there,

Just read your pleasant reply to the lady who was fed up at home and thought you might be able to advise me wisely please.
I have been offered a governess post for very young children with an apartment ten minutes walk away from the family home which is forty minutes out of Moscow. As I'm in my fifties, I must be sure that this huge change is right for me. Any advice please?

Best wishes

For a move like this to be a success depends, I think, entirely on who you are and how you're wired. Have you lived in a foreign country before? Have you visited Russia and the neighborhood you've been offered to work in? Can you keep your options open at home?

If you answer no to any of these questions, think hard...

natlee
21-01-2012, 12:21
Ah, I totally understand... I think. I'd love a shrink myself but they ain't cheap, that's for sure. I only spent 1.5 years in Cyprus before I moved back to Moscow, but I've only recently (it's been a little less than 2 years back.. I think!) started feeling OK here (although the winter never helps!) Coming back from the sun to the, well, you know ;) plus, in my case, although I was coming home, really (my apt was waiting for me here) I was coming with my daughter having just divorced her father (who stayed in Cyprus, and not alone! ;) ) Depressed depressed depressed! Everyone would say go out, but who'd watch my kid? Every family member had an excuse - and unlike you, I'm not too close to my family.. I can give you all of appreciate your guy, your life etc. blah blah but truth is, either friends or time or both can help, and not much more, I believe.. surely, your man's support is very important, too, perhaps even key - it would be for me, had I met a man who would support me rather than constantly tell me how great my life is (yeah, I get it, it's great but I'm still depressed, dammit!) And of course I can totally imagine how annoyed you must be with his parents - and good for your man to stand up for you! Believe me, very few of them ever dare! ;) Either way, enjoy your time away from here and get some good friends! I'd be happy to talk or have a drink sometime if I manage to trick smn into watching my cuteness here ;)

libellula
23-01-2012, 12:20
This city is full of nice people who can become your good friends. Just search for them, don't stay at home!
Try couchsurfing.org, you'll find a lot of open-minded people there.
Good luck!

alexplayer
27-01-2012, 11:50
Simple and easy fix,, is BUY AN XBOX !! I have survived many many years here, thanks to that baby :)))

whiterussian
30-01-2012, 18:31
Stop drinking. Every time I drink for more than 1 day, I want to jump out the window. As soon as I stop, I don't want to jump anymore, but I want to drink again. So I alternate.

meri
30-01-2012, 20:23
I am just thinking out loud so don't get offended but I were in your shoes, I would have left the fiance and get a new life, maybe increase the amount of students/hours and definitely find new friends in different environment than what I have now.:plane: