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Sadie
30-11-2003, 09:17
Dear Tech Support:

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed that the new program began making
unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and
jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other
valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5,
Cruise-Ship 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Monday
night Football 5.0 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
Conversation 8.0 and Romance 7.5 no longer run, and
invariably crashes the system.

Under no circumstances will it run HouseCleaning 2.6.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but
this all-purpose utility is of only limited
effectiveness. Can you help, please!!

Sincerely,

XXX

Dear XXX:

This is a very common problem women complain about,
but it is mostly due to a primary misconception.

Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to
run as few applications as possible.

Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to
Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to
do this. Hidden operating files within your system
would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so
nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the
program files from the system, once installed. Any new
program files can only be installed once per year, as
Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.

Error messages are common, and a normal part of
Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old
time" applications, or to get new applications to
work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0,
or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.

Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child
Support." You notice that this program runs very
poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I
recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the
quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also
suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature
of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent
company as an integral part of the operating system.

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL
faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To
activate this great feature, enter the command "C:\ I
THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run
simultaneously while entering the command.

Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize
12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!

Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can
create additional and more serious GPFs, and
ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE
command before the system will return to normal
operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to
default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer
6.0.

Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0
to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files
that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some
trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take
the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine
feature it can only intermittently run all the
applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great
program, but it does have limited memory and cannot
learn new applications quickly.

pafckinzhalosta
01-12-2003, 12:52
WARNING!!!

all versions of Husband 1.0 on up can and sometimes do delete the user.

highly recoomended that Sucker 10.12 be used by those that feel they have a high chance of being deleted by their program

Skyguy
11-12-2003, 10:47
Beware..!

Of systems that have the ability to re-write new programmes whilst appearing to run normally. Another common fault is the introduction of ghost files that take up a lot of disc space and money to maintain.

Solution:

Have a separate programme running off site on spare system ready to activate if your system runs dry or as previous advice revert to sucker mode.