PDA

View Full Version : A bit of Wednesday Afternoon Humour.....:-)



Britanski Soldat
20-07-2005, 16:31
I am suffereing from Wednesday Depression and thought that there are probably others out there who might need a wee bit of light relief..................so, I hope, here it is:

CaveMan
20-07-2005, 16:42
Cool :verycool:

CatGirl
20-07-2005, 17:31
Thanks! :evilgrin:

Sobranie
20-07-2005, 17:46
The European Union Commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".. Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plac....

Sobranie
20-07-2005, 17:46
upps

Gabster
20-07-2005, 19:27
Oooh, I always wanted to learn German, thanks for the crash course! :thumbsup:

Britanski Soldat
20-07-2005, 19:36
Woman........crash............Yes, those two go together quite well!

Gabster
20-07-2005, 19:42
Woman........crash............Yes, those two go together quite well!

Well you should pay attention to your driving then and less to what's swivelling up the sidewalk :rolleyes:

Britanski Soldat
20-07-2005, 21:39
So you swivel? .........well, that is a new one on me.

Must get to Central America to see them swivel along the PAVEMENT (yes, it is called a pavement)!

I mean how can you swivel along a sidewalk...........surely if your swivelling, you shoud not be on the sidewalk! The sides-swivel would be more appropriate!

Anyway, I thought swivel was rather an impolite term for 'spin on this' or something similar. I believe that it is another great export from the good old US of A?

Gabster
20-07-2005, 23:25
So you swivel? .........well, that is a new one on me.

Must get to Central America to see them swivel along the PAVEMENT (yes, it is called a pavement)!

I mean how can you swivel along a sidewalk...........surely if your swivelling, you shoud not be on the sidewalk! The sides-swivel would be more appropriate!

Anyway, I thought swivel was rather an impolite term for 'spin on this' or something similar. I believe that it is another great export from the good old US of A?

Would "sashay" be more appropriate?

Alas, SIDEWALKS are few and far between here. You are more likely to see people playing frogger trying to get across the road and avoid being squashed by large buses and small relic cars from the 1970s and 80s that are held together with tape and rubber bands (ummm...I guess I have to amend that to "elastic" bands to avoid an obvious comment from you) but somehow manage to stay on the road and travel at surprising speed.

PAVEMENT refers to ASPHALT (one "S", thank you) which is used for er, PAVING roads.

Finally--"Sit and spin" may be what you're thinking of, it's basically f*ck off said with a smile.

Britanski Soldat
20-07-2005, 23:42
Finally--"Sit and spin" may be what you're thinking of, it's basically f*ck off said with a smile.

Yes that is the one! I have never understood why anybody would want to stick their finger up somebody's ar*e and tell them to swivel especially when they do not like them............. I can think of other things I would rather shove up there, such as your finger or the nearest fire hydrant! :)

I would much prefer to 'double tap' them............before you start, that is 2 shots from a pistol in rapid succession, normally at very close range! :)

Gabster
20-07-2005, 23:50
Yes that is the one! I have never understood why anybody would want to stick their finger up somebody's ar*e and tell them to swivel especially when they do not like them............. I can think of other things I would rather shove up there, such as your finger or the nearest fire hydrant! :)

Well you know, different strokes for different folks...although personally I agree that I don't want to stick my finger up someone's ar*se either, unless I really DO like them. Ahem.

Don't know where the fire hydrant idea came from, though...were you a dog in a past life?


I would much prefer to 'double tap' them............before you start, that is 2 shots from a pistol in rapid succession, normally at very close range! :)

Yes, I believe the expression you thought I would, um, jump on, is "double team". Death is not imminent with that unless one has a heart condition, but if it did happen to take place, one would probably die smiling. (see other deathwish thread)

Britanski Soldat
21-07-2005, 00:19
Don't know where the fire hydrant idea came from, though...were you a dog in a past life?

From what I have seen, dogs during their lives always seem to get the better of fire hydrants............for some reason they are always rusty (the fire hydrant that is and not the pooch!)

Gabster
21-07-2005, 00:23
for some reason they are always rusty (the fire hydrant that is and not the pooch!)

So rather than a thrill, your aim is to give lockjaw to people you dislike?

Britanski Soldat
21-07-2005, 00:30
Um Yes, Thriller Killer would be a good handle but I think instead of lockjaw, I'll just settle for Loctite..........that'll stop certainly the women from nagging!

I could have helped that poor girl out the other day stuck in the car with her mother in the middle of Canada or America or wherevere it was! If you ask me to spell the name of the god damn place you would justifiably brand me a dislexik.........!

Gabster
21-07-2005, 00:44
Um Yes, Thriller Killer would be a good handle but I think instead of lockjaw, I'll just settle for Loctite..........that'll stop certainly the women from nagging!

Ooooh, I'll remember to be on my garde (see other thread) if/when I meet you, wouldn't want you deliberately rendering me speechless. (You might prefer it, but with a moniker like Gabster I think I was quite up-front about how chatty I am, now wasn't I?)

And funny, isn't it, that even non-dyslexics can't usually spell the word used to describe the condition?

Britanski Soldat
21-07-2005, 00:49
And funny, isn't it, that even non-dyslexics can't usually spell the word used to describe the condition?

LLO! OLL! LOL! That is it, I've got ti!