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Gabster
06-07-2005, 19:28
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"


(Okay, so I realize it's somewhat lame, but it's still early here in El Salvador so I'm still working on my morning coffee. And with the time difference, maybe somebody there is already drunk enough to appreciate it)

Lled
06-07-2005, 19:30
No swear words at all in that. I read it twice too.

Gabster
06-07-2005, 19:34
No swear words at all in that. I read it twice too.

Yeah, I know, sorry...but maybe you can turn it into a FRENCH piggy joke with the "wee wee wee" and somehow tie it to the Olympics/Chirac disparaging English food threads...and throw in a few cuss words. Okay, you've got your challenge...

blonde
06-07-2005, 19:35
I ain't drunk, but still likes it a lot :D

Gabster
06-07-2005, 19:41
I ain't drunk, but still likes it a lot :D

Gracias, muy amable...er...wrong continent...ochen cpacibo! (Yeah, I really do have to re-learn Russian before i get there)

Britanski Soldat
06-07-2005, 19:57
Gabster,

LOL - I nearly p*ssed myself through laughing all the way to the joke book!

Ghost
06-07-2005, 20:01
Cute :)

Gabster
06-07-2005, 20:01
Gabster,

LOL - I nearly p*ssed myself through laughing all the way to the joke book!

:suspect: I said I knew it was lame...no need for sarcasm. :) Ok, all forgiven.

blonde
06-07-2005, 20:06
Gracias, muy amable...er...wrong continent...ochen cpacibo! (Yeah, I really do have to re-learn Russian before i get there)

You have to say "bol'shoe spasibo" :)
I can help you with Russian ...

Britanski Soldat
06-07-2005, 20:07
I do not think the 3rd piggy was lame, he/she was definitly p*ssed...............

Gabster
06-07-2005, 20:13
I do not think the 3rd piggy was lame, he/she was definitly p*ssed...............

Ah, but "lame" and "p*ssed" mean something so different to Americans...okay, now share some of your favorite British vs. American words...

Gabster
06-07-2005, 20:17
You have to say "bol'shoe spasibo" :)
I can help you with Russian ...

oops, see I'm already f*cking up...I only had 2 years of Russian many years ago. Have to relearn just about everything and no doubt update my vocab. :(

anyway, thanks, blonde I may just take you up on the Russian help! (pazhalsta)

blonde
06-07-2005, 20:21
:D

Britanski Soldat
06-07-2005, 20:25
Ah, but "lame" and "p*ssed" mean something so different to Americans...okay, now share some of your favorite British vs. American words...

Well the worst has be 'hooters' for which I was nearly punched for using by a big and very angry black lady in a Walmart! I had wanted to purchase those 'blowy things' which you have at parties...................! Luckily I did not say "Show me your hooters!"

Perhaps slightly more embarrassing is the use / misuse of the word 'fanny' which mean two different things in our languages. When I read in a Winnie The Pooh book how Winnie had been 'spanked on the fanny', I just could not believe how a book could be perverted so much and then I noticed it had been printed in the States. That explained everything....................

I mean girls have f*nnies, Winnie the Pooh certainly does not have one. He may have an a*rse but he is most definitely a boy................!

Gabster
06-07-2005, 20:34
Well the worst has be 'hooters' for which I was nearly punched for using by a big and very angry black lady in a Walmart! I had wanted to purchase those 'blowy things' which you have at parties...................! Luckily I did not say "Show me your hooters!"

Perhaps slightly more embarrassing is the use / misuse of the word 'fanny' which mean two different things in our languages. When I read in a Winnie The Pooh book how Winnie had been 'spanked on the fanny', I just could not believe how a book could be perverted so much and then I noticed it had been printed in the States. That explained everything....................

I mean girls have f*nnies, Winnie the Pooh certainly does not have one. He may have an a*rse but he is most definitely a boy................!

Now wait a sec...I have never heard of Winnie the Pooh getting spanked...I think you are transferring your own fantasies (Ed.: see other threads, wherein BS has delineated his feather-spanking fantasies many times) onto a poor little stuffed bear...Freud could have had a field day with you...hey, do Brits call it field day? You know, that day once a year in gym class where you run races and get ribbons and stuff? As for f*nnies vs arses...yes, I've learned that term recently here in El Sal with others of the British persuasion (shows that there are horny Brits everywhere, eh?) Okay, this reply has just gone in about four directions, (it's that ADHD American culture someone else posted about on one of your other threads). So...let's see you tie this all together neatly in one succinct, pithy response, BS....know you love a challenge...

druna
06-07-2005, 21:11
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"


(Okay, so I realize it's somewhat lame, but it's still early here in El Salvador so I'm still working on my morning coffee. And with the time difference, maybe somebody there is already drunk enough to appreciate it)

Quite sober, but I like it

Gabster
06-07-2005, 21:39
Quite sober, but I like it

Cool! Now, if I actually tell a joke I have a bad habit of forgetting or accidentally saying the punch line too early...I'm much better in written form.

Britanski Soldat
06-07-2005, 23:09
Freud could have had a field day with you...hey, do Brits call it field day? You know, that day once a year in gym class where you run races and get ribbons and stuff?

Lesson One in English Usage for Gabster:

It is known as a 'Sports Day' because that is what the little darlings are actually doing! Yes, they are doing it in a field but sometimes they do it indoors too!

I was very disappointed when I attended my last Sports Day, many years ago, because I did not get spanked once, if at all! And whats more, I was not allowed to spank any of those female teachers..................!

Gabster
06-07-2005, 23:33
Lesson One in English Usage for Gabster:

It is known as a 'Sports Day' because that is what the little darlings are actually doing! Yes, they are doing it in a field but sometimes they do it indoors too!

I was very disappointed when I attended my last Sports Day, many years ago, because I did not get spanked once, if at all! And whats more, I was not allowed to spank any of those female teachers..................!

Hmmm...all becomes clear...the spanking thing is deep-rooted, from childhood. Why didn't you get spanked? Did you win? Tell me, where was your mother on Sports Day? Freud wants to know.

(And thanks for the sports day clarification.)

Now what about that Winnie the Pooh thing...I want to see it, in print, that poor little Pooh was actually spanked (by whom? Eeyore? Certainly not Christopher Robin?!) and this isn't some transferred S&M fantasy of yours. (My 2 cats are called Winnie and Tigger, by the way. I know, hopelessly unimaginative of me.)

Britanski Soldat
06-07-2005, 23:41
Gabster,

Unfortunately, I can not find the book at the moment but will continue to search for it. Once found, I will scan the page and post it! Also unfortunately, my senile dementia fails me and I can not recall who conducted the spanking but it certainly was not me........................not guilty on this occasion!

I think I must cease this talk of spanking because there may be a certain individual who is fast becoming most concerned about her derriere!

Gabster
07-07-2005, 00:10
Gabster,
I think I must cease this talk of spanking because there may be a certain individual who is fast becoming most concerned about her derriere!

I let other people be concerned about it. It's much more fun.

druna
07-07-2005, 09:17
Cool! Now, if I actually tell a joke I have a bad habit of forgetting or accidentally saying the punch line too early...I'm much better in written form.

Your jokes will he highly appreciated, both told or written :) :) :)