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toughnut
24-01-2010, 22:12
My son has won a choral scholarship to a top private school in the UK. But he is only 8 and I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing - it means boarding. (I feel sick with anxiety every time I think about it!)

I have met a couple of guys recently - over 40 - who were sent to a boarding school at this age and they all hated it. Have things changed?

The alternative for me is to continue sending him to an ordinary Russian school. Would he be losing more by leaving home so young than by staying with me. (He wants to go - he has had two days at the new school and always comes out bubbling with enthusiasm. Something he NEVER does here.) My relatives in the UK think I'm crazy to be having second thoughts.

I'd welcome any advice.

Bels
24-01-2010, 22:33
In Russia today it comes down to money unfortunately. Are you wealthy? Otherwise your child is not in the best country. Russian state schools have lost a lot of funding, due to financial crisis. They don't have the money or resources. You are not in the best country to be blunt. Especially if you don't have walth. that's the way it is unfortunately. The state schools are now garbage here. There might be a few here left, but how will you know how to rate them?

Can you afford to send him to a well known respecatable boarding school in UK? If you can, that is what I would do with my son.

Matt24
24-01-2010, 23:11
My son has won a choral scholarship to a top private school in the UK. But he is only 8 and I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing - it means boarding. (I feel sick with anxiety every time I think about it!)

I have met a couple of guys recently - over 40 - who were sent to a boarding school at this age and they all hated it. Have things changed?

The alternative for me is to continue sending him to an ordinary Russian school. Would he be losing more by leaving home so young than by staying with me. (He wants to go - he has had two days at the new school and always comes out bubbling with enthusiasm. Something he NEVER does here.) My relatives in the UK think I'm crazy to be having second thoughts.

I'd welcome any advice.

Personally I think the best piece of advice I could offer you is 'You can always change your mind', as an 11 year veteran of the public school system, I can tell you that your son will either fit in or not. The first half of the first term, will be the most telling, and the time when your son will need the most support, top up the mobile, get him a Skype account, and make sure you check your e-mail 68 times a day, (that's what we did), what he will need is reassurance that home and family are still there, and encouragement. Be brave, don't give in too easily, from my memory, and from what my son will no longer admit to, everybody(parents/offspring) sobbed themselves to sleep for the first few days, and we would all have happily gone home/ rescued child. Listen to the child and if he is still grief stricken after the first term, you might have to believe that he's not a good fit and bring him home - the only people who had a hell time in my school days were the boys who couldn't communicate effectively with their parents, either because they thought they'd be some kind of failure/disappointment , or they had already accepted that there was no remission on this sentence.

If the guy is bubbly and enthused with the prospect of leaving home, I think you're on to a winner. I'd definitely give it a go if I were you.

Matt

nbogaard
25-01-2010, 09:46
The only circumstance where I would send my daughter to a boarding school would be if we lived close enough that she always had the option of sleeping at home. I just couldn't do it. That said, I know that this is much more common and to some extent a tradition in the UK and I know several British families that send their kids to boarding school. The kids don't seem to mind.

nbogaard
25-01-2010, 09:48
I just read Matt's reply. I think that is better advice than I gave you. It doesn't change anything for me, though; I still couldn't do it.

drwho
25-01-2010, 11:14
My son has won a choral scholarship to a top private school in the UK. But he is only 8 and I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing - it means boarding. (I feel sick with anxiety every time I think about it!)

I have met a couple of guys recently - over 40 - who were sent to a boarding school at this age and they all hated it. Have things changed?

The alternative for me is to continue sending him to an ordinary Russian school. Would he be losing more by leaving home so young than by staying with me. (He wants to go - he has had two days at the new school and always comes out bubbling with enthusiasm. Something he NEVER does here.) My relatives in the UK think I'm crazy to be having second thoughts.

I'd welcome any advice.

I went to a prep school and public school in the UK and hated it. In my day in the 1970's, they beat you and it was very tough but nowadays with so many health and safety rules and political correctness they are a lot softer than they were almost too soft and very expensive. Don't forget many school have teachers that like boys, if you get my drift! and a singing school could be rife with them. 8 is too young and its too risky.

I personally do not believe in boarding schools. I know we want the best for our kids and sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to help them in life but its not the solution. He may love it, he may hate it but I would say don't do it. Children need their parents, they may not know it, or admit it, but they do and will for at least from the age of one to the age of twenty five.... its just too important, keep him close and with you. Just my opinion.


:uk:

Bels
25-01-2010, 20:07
Looking more carefully at your post , go for this new school where your child is bubbling with entusiasm. Confidence and friends means a lot to a child. If he is happy then stick with it.

It's a very difficult decision. You want success and strength from your child growing up. What has this school made from the majority of it its students being from children to grown men. Is the school respected from future employers as being impressive?

I am going to go for what your child is happy with. Same as Dr Who. But a difficult decision, as I would also like my child to have the best opurtunity of the best education possible. But I would also want my child to be happy first.


My son has won a choral scholarship to a top private school in the UK. But he is only 8 and I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing - it means boarding. (I feel sick with anxiety every time I think about it!)

I have met a couple of guys recently - over 40 - who were sent to a boarding school at this age and they all hated it. Have things changed?

The alternative for me is to continue sending him to an ordinary Russian school. Would he be losing more by leaving home so young than by staying with me. (He wants to go - he has had two days at the new school and always comes out bubbling with enthusiasm. Something he NEVER does here.) My relatives in the UK think I'm crazy to be having second thoughts.

I'd welcome any advice.

Bels
25-01-2010, 20:13
An alternative would be for him stay in a state school and find special gifted on the subjects you want tutors for extra tuition. So if music I am sure Moscow has some very good gifted music tutors. Chose carefully and seek good recommendations.

Bels
25-01-2010, 20:26
Sorry but I keep having second thoughts. I am trying to think if it was my child winning a scholarship. When your child wins a scholarship for a certain subject the child is very bright and possibly gifted. Only you know f your child is, because I know my children, and hence I must assume you know what your child needs.

So careful thought about this of what I would do. I would want to search everywhere on the internet of how good this school was, I would want to know everything about this school , and would want to find certain adults who have achieved great things from this. I would also love to hear experiences from such adults of how they enjoyed, and problems they might have had. I really would want to understand the reputation of this school before I would send my child there.

From this point I would find it necessary to visit the director or headmaster for an interview to satisfy myself, with my child. I would watch my child. and listen and watch to how he feels. I am sorry but in something so important you need plenty of time to decide.

But yes! It is a great honor to win a scholarship. It means your child is gifted.


My son has won a choral scholarship to a top private school in the UK. But he is only 8 and I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the right thing - it means boarding. (I feel sick with anxiety every time I think about it!)

I have met a couple of guys recently - over 40 - who were sent to a boarding school at this age and they all hated it. Have things changed?

The alternative for me is to continue sending him to an ordinary Russian school. Would he be losing more by leaving home so young than by staying with me. (He wants to go - he has had two days at the new school and always comes out bubbling with enthusiasm. Something he NEVER does here.) My relatives in the UK think I'm crazy to be having second thoughts.

I'd welcome any advice.

tgma
26-01-2010, 10:04
I went to a boarding school in the UK, while my parents lived in NZ. Apparently at the time I was upset about going, and asked not to go, but I don't really remember this. I liked the school, in general, and it got me to where I am today, so I have no regrets.

If your son is happy about going, I think you should send him. I think, for me, at the time the problem was with not being heard. But that's not the case with your boy. I went to school in the 1970s, and there were a few rigid rules, but nothing inhumane, and I imagine that they are a lot nicer places now, as parents have become more demanding. Kids can be ready to go and board at the age of 8, especially if they have a particular skill that will be developed, so I think you should go for it. But if your son says he hates it after the first term, then listen to him!

You're not crazy to be having second thoughts, but they may be more the result of your own feelings at the fact that your child is leaving home so abruptly, and so soon, than fears that you are damaging him. I'm sure that if he had a problem, he would be vocal about it! As for what he loses, one thing I would point out is that is it's an all-male boarding schools then he misses out on certain stages of socialisation with respect to girls, but the effect of this will depend on the individual. I would just make sure that he has plenty of opportunities to be around girls in the holidays.