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quincy
24-01-2010, 10:06
Women looking for a Mr Right should give up after 30 and settle for a Mr ­Second Best or a Mr Right Now.

Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough, which is published in the UK next week, believes women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep, romantic love are consigning themselves to a lonely future.

"The theme of holding out for true love (whatever that is – look at the divorce rate) permeates our collective mentality," writes Gottlieb, a 40-year-old single mother who now admits she wishes she had "settled" for any of the "perfectly acceptable but uninspiring" men she rejected during her search for the perfect man.

"My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Of course, women are loth to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won't tell you it's a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she'll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child)," she writes.
Women told to stop looking for Mr Right | Life and style | The Observer (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/24/women-stop-looking-mr-right)

J.D.
24-01-2010, 10:37
Yes, that Western attitude helps make those 29 and 30 year olds easy prey, but that culture is not as advanced as the Russian culture that (used to anyway) tell girls they were over the hill by 21, making those 19 and 20 year olds easy prey.

franzewich
24-01-2010, 21:41
That means that a man who gets involved with a woman over 30 has to assume now that he is probably only "Second Choice"??? How degrading!

Congratulations, the author just did her own gender a "great favor"! Women, don't wonder when men go after the younger ones!

(Pssst: I personally won't follow - I still think that women in their 30s and 40s are the most wonderful! But don't tell anyone!)

alouette
24-01-2010, 22:54
And you are a Mr Right, aren't you? Lol!!!!!

sartreana
25-01-2010, 03:16
How sad this is... How about men over 30 and their beer bellies? Today women in her 30s look great and enjoy themselves with younger men who are not worried about age or this stuff but know how to make them feel beautiful.

robertmf
25-01-2010, 03:38
... Today women in her 30s (and older!) look great and enjoy themselves with younger men who are not worried about age or this stuff but know how to make them feel beautiful.

Such women are called, "cougars" :11629:

... and as for men over 30, 40, or whatever, they don't have the "clock ticking".

:drink:

kassandra
25-01-2010, 20:49
Women looking for a Mr Right should give up after 30 and settle for a Mr ­Second Best or a Mr Right Now.

Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough, which is published in the UK next week, believes women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep, romantic love are consigning themselves to a lonely future.

"The theme of holding out for true love (whatever that is – look at the divorce rate) permeates our collective mentality," writes Gottlieb, a 40-year-old single mother who now admits she wishes she had "settled" for any of the "perfectly acceptable but uninspiring" men she rejected during her search for the perfect man.

"My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Of course, women are loth to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won't tell you it's a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she'll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child)," she writes.
Women told to stop looking for Mr Right | Life and style | The Observer (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jan/24/women-stop-looking-mr-right)

Hey! Do you know any woman who shares this view?
Am a single mom in her 30s and am know very well it s much better and easier to live without a husbund than with "2d choice". Why?
Sure most women wld agree.

Btw i`ve been married twice so had a chance to compare :)

AndreyS
25-01-2010, 20:59
Kas, in your av you look like a 22 year old.

kassandra
25-01-2010, 21:02
Kas, in your av you look like a 22 year old.

Thank you :)
Am preserved in alcohol :)

kassandra
25-01-2010, 21:14
Just thought - the older you are the more bad experience you have so you are supposed to have less motivation to get merried.

If you had mostly good experience you must be merried already.

Sounds right? :)

tvadim133
25-01-2010, 21:21
It seems to me, that if there is no pathology, a person needs a person, that is in humain nature.

In case a woman (for men, it can be not so clear and obvious, but true as well) tells us, that she feels great being alone, there can be simple explanation:

1. she is too young;
2. she had a bad experience and needs a break (that can be just the defendent reaction against the past);
3. she is too "old" and that is just an excuse for lost possibilities

4. I do not know, but guess, there can be some limited exceptions

The problem is that it is very common to independent women (financial, for example), devorced and with a child (between 0 and 12), when the feeling of loneliness is not so obvious (care for a child, carreer and so on substitude the feelling).

But then there can come some dissapontments, especially when you are 45 and a chance to be with someone becomes fantastic.

What I think without willing to offend anybody is that:

1. there are a lot of walls, we break in order to calm ourselves and that can harm

(that can be as well as for the behaviour of some women to get married as soon as possible, otherwise, no chances will be in future);

2. it is worth living with open eyes and tolerance

(ther is no prince indeed (princess), but we are worthy of what we are!)

kassandra
25-01-2010, 21:34
Agree!

quincy
26-01-2010, 09:17
It seems to me, that if there is no pathology, a person needs a person, that is in humain nature.

In case a woman (for men, it can be not so clear and obvious, but true as well) tells us, that she feels great being alone, there can be simple explanation:

1. she is too young;
2. she had a bad experience and needs a break (that can be just the defendent reaction against the past);
3. she is too "old" and that is just an excuse for lost possibilities

4. I do not know, but guess, there can be some limited exceptions

The problem is that it is very common to independent women (financial, for example), devorced and with a child (between 0 and 12), when the feeling of loneliness is not so obvious (care for a child, carreer and so on substitude the feelling).



your last obervation is good

one more explanation - a lot of writers in the media, as well as researchers etc, telling everyone what a great way this is (probably because the writers themselves have had unsuccessful relationships!) and so many readers may begin to think this must be right, even if their own feelings tell them otherwise

Ghostly Presence
26-01-2010, 10:26
a 40-year-old single mother who now admits she wishes she had "settled" for any of the "perfectly acceptable but uninspiring" men she rejected during her search for the perfect man.

That implies that the author did not settle for the "second best" herself and therefore has no idea what it's like to live with the person whom you do not love. That alone should disqualify her from making such statements and especially from writing books on the subject she knows nothing about.

robertmf
26-01-2010, 13:46
Thank you :)
Am preserved in alcohol :)

:whisper: Look on the expat.ru forums for **OlgaT** :10518:

OlgaT
26-01-2010, 14:49
:whisper: Look on the expat.ru forums for **OlgaT** :10518:
What is OlgaT? Kassandra is right - alcohol preserves. People do not believe I am 30.
:tongue:

(The only pic I have on the job. :11030:)

SpinaPubica
26-01-2010, 15:00
Message i would prefer to get from the article would be, themes like;
existance of "true love", search of "the one" (i am not even talking about existance of him, he exists but hard to find only ), "Dreamlike,heavenly, absolute perfect romance " (yea, a bit exaggerated i admit) are now discussable by women themselves. :whisper:
Women began to understand that those things simply dont exist,
i cant wait to see those days that i wont be struggling to remember, the first song we danced together, what does that purple sweater stand for, today was our first meeting's anniversary :10475:
Yes i know , lovely ladies of expat forums, you dont expect such ridiculous things from your boyfriends/husbands but many of us really suffer :10168:

:10518:

tvadim133
26-01-2010, 15:05
What is OlgaT? Kassandra is right - alcohol preserves. People do not believe I am 30.
:tongue:



WOW, that is not alcohol, that is genetics!

OlgaT
26-01-2010, 16:01
WOW, that is not alcohol, that is genetics!
Who knows? Anyway, in vino veritas... :10518:

PS. Sorry for the off topic. Go on guys, it's very interesting about the second-rate men. :11629:

AndreyS
26-01-2010, 16:47
You beautiful, OlgaT!!! I have always said it!
Let's start up our little beauty contest. Right here. Right now!
Kassandra, your photo, please!

OlgaT
26-01-2010, 17:38
Andrey, you are so emotional... If I knew your reaction I would think twice before posting the picture. ;)

Thanks, it's always pleasant to hear compliments from men, especially from the first-rate ones. :rasta:

AndreyS
26-01-2010, 18:10
Andrey, you are so emotional... If I knew your reaction I would think twice before posting the picture. ;)

Thanks, it's always pleasant to hear compliments from men, especially from the first-rate ones. :rasta:

Olia, don't judge by the size of font. ;-)
It was a well-planned and thought-through action. And you see Quincy has confirmed my message! The OP's word is law!

Unfortunately I am not first rate... ;-(
It's my cat that is first rate!

AndreyS
26-01-2010, 19:47
Kassandra, your word?

kassandra
26-01-2010, 20:35
Kassandra, your word?

I thought you were waiting for picture.

But if word is enough... It seems am beuatiful enough although i know 6 men who are not under my spell. Wait a minute.. 7 Acutally :(

AndreyS
26-01-2010, 20:41
I thought you were waiting for picture.

But if word is enough... It seems am beuatiful enough although i know 6 men who are not under my spell. Wait a minute.. 7 Acutally :(

Ahhrrrrhhhh!!!! You got me! Of course I meant your picture. Please!
Show us how silly are those 7 men! Let us all fall under your spell!

Scrat335
26-01-2010, 21:03
Considering some of the Russian males I have known and know of I can't blame Russian women for their attitudes. My wife thought the same way then she met me. Some women may look on me as second best. Why?

I'm not rich.
I love to fix cars and get dirty doing it.
I b**ch and moan if I have to dress up.
I throw my cloths on the floor.
I drink too much coffee.
I'd rather fight with the neighbors dog at the food bowl than go to some fancy restaurant. To me pizza is natures perfect food.
Shopping to me is a form of sadistic torture.
Pointy dress shoes are definitely gay.
Sometimes I curse a lot.
My favorite shirt was bought in Rome Italy in 1984, I think it was a Gucci. I can't remember, the label fell off.

BUT.

I can hold down a job.
I take a shower 10 or 11 times a week and brush my teeth twice a day on average.
I shave.
I'm a decent cook in a pinch.
I can fix things.
I can suffer through a shopping spree.
I can keep the home reasonably clean.
I have somehow overcome my genetic disposition to not recognize dust.
I can do laundry.
I try to listen and have become reasonably good at it.
I'm cheap and easy to maintain.
I am ruggedly handsome and reasonably fit. I'm not afraid of exercise.
I drink maybe 2 or 3 beers a week.
A bar is not my second home.
I don't do drugs.
I can get it up every time.
I'm not a 3 minute man.
I have never cheated on anyone I was with.
I don't think with my wanker.
I like it when my wife puts on a fashion show for me. I always have the time.
I don't scratch my ass in public.
I don't spit in public.
I don't phart at the dinner table.
I like cats.
I know how to spend my money. A person who buys a Mercedes is an idiot. IMO.
I know I'm not perfect and I like it.

As I said, I can see why Russian women have the attitude they do in most cases. This applies to most women the world over. If there is a woman 30 or over feeling the tick of the clock I'm not going to judge her, all things considered but an attitude adjustment may be in order. Either that or they should just accept their fate or become lesbians and use a turkey baster.

I can't count the times I have been rejected. I don't let it bother me, these women did me a favor. I thank them for it. I would say to the younger ladies here that Mr Right will be far from perfect. If you ever reach that point at about 30 then it is probably you that has the problem.

Okay, this hasty and poorly constructed post has to end. :jester:

tvadim133
26-01-2010, 21:30
After I have read your lines after BUT, I can suggest, that women (above 30, at least) will definetley consider you to be Mr Right or even MR. Exactly.

Especially following characteristics are enough for many ladies:

I shave.
I can fix things
I am ruggedly handsome and reasonably fit. I'm not afraid of exercise.
I drink maybe 2 or 3 beers a week.
I like cats.

may be, more then good incomes (to afford to spend money for Mers, Volvo and so on) will be nice to add!

:) :) :)

robertmf
26-01-2010, 21:36
What is OlgaT? Kassandra is right - alcohol preserves. People do not believe I am 40.
:tongue:

(The only pic I have on the job. :11030:) :10806:


Нос у тебе красный хехехехехехехехехехехехехе :)

robertmf
26-01-2010, 21:38
I thought you were waiting for picture.



Still waiting ................................... women are always late .................... :11629:

robertmf
26-01-2010, 22:35
Как сказат по-Русски, "old maid" :question:

Here is some more - education, women and marriage:

A woman with a college education may be less likely to tie the knot than her less-educated counterparts, but once she's married this college grad is more likely to stay that way, according to two economists.

The finding, based on a review of research from 1950 to 2008, also reveals changes over time in who is getting married and having kids and why. Historically, women with more education have been the least likely to marry and have children, but this marriage gap has eroded as marriage and remarriage rates for women with a college degree relative to those with less education have risen.

College-Educated Women More Likely to Stay Married | LiveScience (http://www.livescience.com/culture/educated-women-marriage-100126.html)

robertmf
27-01-2010, 00:30
:tongue:

(The only pic I have on the job. :11030:)

I think your picture has intimidated Kassandra and now we will not see a picture of her !!!-:piano:

:jawdrop: Yes, a very nice picture. I would like to see expat.ru members encouraged to post larger sized pictures like this. It is easier/better to write knowing "the face" rather than a silly cartoon avatar.

Perhaps something will happen with the proposed photo albums :question:

AndreyS
27-01-2010, 00:40
I think your picture has intimidated Kassandra and now we will not see a picture of her !!!-:piano:

:

Possibly, Kassandra is just playing for time doing her new make up at the moment - to stun us tomorrow and defeat OlgaT.

robertmf
27-01-2010, 00:42
Possibly, Kassandra is just playing for time doing her new make up at the moment - to stun us tomorrow and defeat OlgaT.

haahaha ... more likely she went photoshopping :SwoonLoveSmiley:

AndreyS
27-01-2010, 00:50
haahaha ... more likely she went photoshopping :SwoonLoveSmiley:



Yes, it's much cheaper. LOL
But I wouldn;t like to offend her, she is a nice person. Kas, sorry for my silly joke. Who am I - an old buffer, whom even photoshop won't help! But my cat is great, isn't she?

robertmf
27-01-2010, 01:34
Yes, it's much cheaper. LOL
But I wouldn;t like to offend her, she is a nice person. Kas, sorry for my silly joke. Who am I - an old buffer, whom even photoshop won't help! But my cat is great, isn't she?

You're not so old duffer ... but you must watch the drinking !!-:9451:
YouTube- Dancing Baby Drunk

Norwegian
27-01-2010, 07:48
The premises of this article are way off.

But the thread was a fun read;)

Anton S.
27-01-2010, 10:48
I am rather sceptical about romantic love - it may be just a short-lived infatuation. But I am not in favour of "the second best option" either. For each woman there is a man who suits her to perfection. The problem is to recognise him when she meets him. And the same holds true for men.

Only when such when a woman meets her man is there any chance of real life-long love which alone can be the basis for a happy family life.

But to meet such a man, the woman in question must get to know herself, to understand what her real self wants. The same is true for men.

People often get into the wrong sort of relationships because they have a false idea of themselves.

kassandra
27-01-2010, 11:18
Yes, it's much cheaper. LOL
But I wouldn;t like to offend her, she is a nice person. Kas, sorry for my silly joke. Who am I - an old buffer, whom even photoshop won't help! But my cat is great, isn't she?

Am not offended at all :)
I just failed to find a picture wich would show ALL my beaty and hide my face at the same time. Still considering how to manage it :)

AndreyS
27-01-2010, 12:24
Am not offended at all :)
I just failed to find a picture wich would show ALL my beaty and hide my face at the same time. Still considering how to manage it :)

LOL
I already know VERY well how good you are at showing your beauty and hiding your face at the same time! LOL

And yet I remember you put your face on your av in March 2008 for some short time!

Let me add you will barely pummel OlgaT if not let us have a look at your face in all its beauty! ;-)

OlgaT
27-01-2010, 14:04
I would like to see expat.ru members encouraged to post larger sized pictures...

Good idea! Andrey, Robert - it's your turn! :applause:

AndreyS
27-01-2010, 14:11
Good idea! Andrey, Robert - it's your turn! :applause:

We both are not as young and handsome as to be heart-throbs of the site.
The problem is that I am not joking... ;-(

OlgaT
27-01-2010, 14:31
We both are not as young and handsome as to be heart-throbs of the site.
The problem is that I am not joking... ;-(
Andrey, it's not really a beauty contest - quoting Robert "it is easier/better to write knowing "the face" rather than a silly cartoon avatar". :11629:

PS. I am not about your avatar - your cat is great. :)

robertmf
27-01-2010, 17:39
Good idea! Andrey, Robert - it's your turn! :applause:

I think you reversed the names. I have photos posted in [PROFILE] :punk:

AndreyS
27-01-2010, 22:26
I think you reversed the names. I have photos posted in [PROFILE] :punk:


Definitely not enough, dear ****----(((Bob)))----****

AndreyS
27-01-2010, 23:20
Good idea! Andrey, Robert - it's your turn! :applause:

OK, get it! It's not staged, I got caught by my friend (in the centre of Rome). And look at it: dorky clothes, glasses on a fat face, a bit of a beer belly - that's what composes AndreyS.
Not attractive. But I plucked up my courage and posted it! In the hope that some pretty women will follow suit.

robertmf
27-01-2010, 23:55
OK, get it! It's not staged, I got caught by my friend (in the centre of Rome). And look at it: dorky clothes, glasses on a fat face, a bit of a beer belly - that's what composes AndreyS.
Not attractive. But I plucked up my courage and posted it! In the hope that some pretty women will follow suit.

Nice pic ... though I imagined you with a pocket protector and leaky pens :11721:

tvadim133
28-01-2010, 00:06
OK, get it! It's not staged, I got caught by my friend (in the centre of Rome). And look at it: dorky clothes, glasses on a fat face, a bit of a beer belly - that's what composes AndreyS.
Not attractive. But I plucked up my courage and posted it! In the hope that some pretty women will follow suit.

taste differ, but at least you face is full of intellect. That is the most important from all points of view!

AndreyS
28-01-2010, 00:11
your face is full of intellect.
...coming out from ears! LOL

tvadim133
28-01-2010, 00:11
My friends were more gentle to me: they had informed me they were goint ot catch me, so I was prepared and hidden my double chin and abdomen.

AndreyS
28-01-2010, 00:14
And where is it, Vadim? In Spain?
.

tvadim133
28-01-2010, 00:20
And where is it, Vadim? In Spain?
.

Yes, it is Marbella. In 2006 I was nominated as the best of the year from Russia and "sent" to the special award conference for one week.....

So can you guess, how old am I from the pix?

AndreyS
28-01-2010, 00:24
Yes, it is Marbella. In 2006 I was nominated as the best of the year from Russia and "sent" to the special award conference for one week.....

So can you guess, how old am I from the pix?

Aaaaarrrggghhhh! I guessed!
Your age? I calculated it long ago - so I do know you are 35 in the pic.
But you look somewhat younger - I would give you 30 in this pic.

tvadim133
28-01-2010, 00:32
Excatly! thanks (38 y.o at the moment)!

robertmf
28-01-2010, 01:24
Yes, it is Marbella. In 2006 I was nominated as the best of the year from Russia and "sent" to the special award conference for one week.....

So can you guess, how old am I from the pix?

Good picture. Can you tell us more about this special award you received ?

:devil: double chin I cannot see ... знаете ли вы, "spare tire" :question: :rofl:

tvadim133
28-01-2010, 01:50
Good picture. Can you tell us more about this special award you received ?

:devil: double chin I cannot see ... знаете ли вы, "spare tire" :question: :rofl:



Just the annual award for some best people in marketing, my company used to celebrate!

each year it takes place in different locations like Spaine, Italy, USA, France and so on....

I (and other 200 empl. from other countries) was awarded with Pablo Picasso's (not original) pigeon (small sculpture) and certificate... (no money) + photo with the president of the company + good entertaiment program including the gala dinner at "the very closed" golf club.

Just nice (why not! but bonuses are better)!

I think, many normal companies do it!

I guess, some not normal (MLM) do it much more often! :)

robertmf
28-01-2010, 02:14
Just nice (why not! but bonuses are better)!

I think, many normal companies do it!

I guess, some not normal (MLM) do it much more often! :)

Да, это нормально в sales & marketing. The carrot is better than the :11513:
stick :11629:

Молодец !-:bong:

OlgaT
28-01-2010, 08:03
OK, get it! It's not staged, I got caught by my friend (in the centre of Rome). And look at it: dorky clothes, glasses on a fat face, a bit of a beer belly - that's what composes AndreyS.
Not attractive. But I plucked up my courage and posted it! In the hope that some pretty women will follow suit.
Thanks Andrey! You have completely impressed me with your courage. ;)

But in vain you say "old", "fat face", "not attractive", etc. Very good looking man - and this time I am not joking.

OlgaT
28-01-2010, 08:07
Very nice picture, Vadim, thanks. And congrats on getting that award.

Once I also did, when worked for one American company in the customer service. I won a trip to Finland, but I couldn't go since I didn't have a passport. That was very funny. :rofl:

OlgaT
28-01-2010, 08:15
I think you reversed the names. I have photos posted in [PROFILE] :punk:

Robert, sorry, but I didn't find any "larger sized pictures" there... ;)

robertmf
28-01-2010, 17:08
Robert, sorry, but I didn't find any "larger sized pictures" there... ;)

Правильно !-(( что слючилась (sp.?) ? Member "robertmf" has the Я-то album with 6 photos listed, but the album will not open ............ :10641:

AndreyS
28-01-2010, 17:52
Nice pic ... though I imagined you with a pocket protector and leaky pens :11721:

Bob, did you get Salvador Dali to take the attached picture?

robertmf
28-01-2010, 18:02
Bob, did you get Salvador Dali to take the attached picture?

No, not Dali :devil:

Though Dali could be a bit dark at times. Have you seen his short film, Un Chien Andalou ?

AndreyS
28-01-2010, 18:04
Not yet! LOL

robertmf
28-01-2010, 18:34
Not yet! LOL

My friend, the Russian bear, was created by a local sculptor using some 2,000 stainless steel strips.

AndreyS
29-01-2010, 01:24
Brilliant, Bob! Thumbs up!

robertmf
29-01-2010, 02:59
What is OlgaT? Kassandra is right - alcohol preserves. People do not believe I am 30.
:tongue:

(The only pic I have on the job. :11030:)

I think our OlgaT would look good in a red dress !-:) :mml:

Willy
29-01-2010, 09:07
I think our OlgaT would look good in a red dress !-:) :mml:







Why don't you buy her one?