View Full Version : The Future is Tesco‏

25-10-2009, 07:28
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him My

elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. There's

a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer

will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds

and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you

get Clubcard points".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He

deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the Urine

sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.Ten seconds later, the

computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy

activity. It will improve in two weeks".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began

wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool

sample from his dog, urine samples from His wife and daughter, and

masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco,

eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his

concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo

3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a good


5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow

Will never get better........

Thank you for shopping at Tesco.

[For Americans: Tesco is a large Supermarket Chain, a quid is one pound]