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MDW
10-11-2004, 17:24
Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.
I learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose
and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As
you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a
woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.
When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example,
I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination... End of debate. I do need some advice from you,
however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to
follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7 In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates
a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
Oh, sorry. IS there degrees .

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blasphemes lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

In Jesus name,
Consolidated Dumbasses of America

GWL
10-11-2004, 18:22
MDW,

Thank you so much. Wonderful stuff! Just one question - is it really all your own work or did you get it from somewhere else? Either way, I love it.

Thanks again,

GWL

peyote
10-11-2004, 18:24
Originally posted by MDW
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
[/B] what?! you can't own canadians?!
:mad:

Ghost
10-11-2004, 18:28
Originally posted by GWL
MDW,

Thank you so much. Wonderful stuff! Just one question - is it really all your own work or did you get it from somewhere else? Either way, I love it.

Thanks again,

GWL

That's been recirculated for longer than Bush was in power. It was originally sent (if I remember correctly) to a well known American public TV evangelist.

peyote
10-11-2004, 18:32
supposedly a letter to radio host laura schlessinger...

http://www.valleyskeptic.com/dr_laura.html

Ghost
10-11-2004, 18:50
You're right, that was it. Dr. Laura.

Hick_hop
10-11-2004, 18:52
This is kinda in the same vein, and very funny.

Pardon the language

http://www.****thesouth.com/


:p

BRASCO
11-11-2004, 00:22
doesnt' the old testament have more to do with jewish torah, rather than christianity (based on the new testament)? also, what relation does Jesus have with the old testament? cheers

85StonePolarBear
11-11-2004, 07:34
[QUOTE][i]

85StonePolarBear
11-11-2004, 07:43
Originally posted by BRASCO
doesnt' the old testament have more to do with jewish torah, rather than christianity (based on the new testament)?

Yes. The background of the letter is that Dr Laura Schlessinger had announced that she had embraced traditional Judaism (this phase lasted about 2 years as it turned out). Someone, possibly a gay activist but more likely someone looking for attention, circulated this letter as a response to Dr Laura's very public conversion (technically she was not Jewish and did have to convert) as well as to her right wing, often homophobic views.

Now I understand that Dr Laura is close to becoming a fundamentalist Christian. She is missing two screws, several wing nuts, and a bolt ;)!

J.D.
11-11-2004, 07:46
Originally posted by BRASCO
doesnt' the old testament have more to do with jewish torah, rather than christianity (based on the new testament)? also, what relation does Jesus have with the old testament? cheers

Christianity is both based on and supercedes the Old Testament. Jesus seems to be pretty clear on some things like it's ok to eat pork, we should forgive whores instead of stoning them. It would be interesting to have 'an expert's opinion' on how all of these old testament rules should be applied now in light of Christianity.

plastique
11-11-2004, 11:04
Originally posted by BRASCO
doesnt' the old testament have more to do with jewish torah, rather than christianity (based on the new testament)? also, what relation does Jesus have with the old testament? cheers

I would say that the relation is that Chistians believe that JEsus is the embodiment and fulfillment of the prophecies laid down in the Old Test....line of Kings from the House of David, prophecies going back to Elisha as well as many others I have totally forgotten.....

He came, He tweaked, He died, rose, wlaked for 40 days and Ascended.....thanks for coming folks! try the veal, tip your waitress!

MDW
11-11-2004, 11:36
Originally posted by Ghost
That's been recirculated for longer than Bush was in power. It was originally sent (if I remember correctly) to a well known American public TV evangelist.

EVANGELIST = EVIL AGENTS

vince
11-11-2004, 12:00
Excellent :p

But I'm not sure Mr. Bush can read long sentences:rolleyes:

Crazyeelboy
11-11-2004, 12:17
The quoted letter is a lot of fun to read, but get with the program, comrades. The letter has been around so long it was even used in an episode of West Wing, where "President Barlett" lectures an ersatz Dr. Laura character.

If you want to bash President Bush, at least come up with some new material.

Crazyeelboy
11-11-2004, 12:19
Hick_Hop - while the Dr. Laura letter was funny, the site you attached is just stupid. Again, if you want to slam others, at least come up with some good material.