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polly
24-08-2004, 12:42
Last night we had a guest over, and said guest and I were enjoying a cigarette on the balcony when suddenly water began to fall from the balcony above us.
At first I thought that perhaps our upstairs neighbor was watering her plants or throwing out some mop water, something household-related, etc. But the water kept coming - at increasing volumes. We yelled out "осторожно!" and "ей!" until the SO heard us yelling and came out, saw the water, and yelled at the neighbor upstairs himself. To which upstairs neighbor replies - "хватит курит!"
Now pardon me while I exercise my right to use my living space as I please and smoke on my apartment's balcony. I thought I was in Moscow, not Palo Alto. I understand not wanting your apartment to smell of smoke - which is why we were outside in the first place. Can windows not be closed? Can balcony doors not be shut?

I'm not even sure she was throwing water at us for the smoke - maybe it was because she heard two people speaking a language that was not Russian and decided to drown the foreigners.

So how exactly should I deal with this person?

jheisel
24-08-2004, 12:46
hire a thug to kill him/her.

Halyavshik
24-08-2004, 12:48
Originally posted by polly
Last night we had a guest over, and said guest and I were enjoying a cigarette on the balcony when suddenly water began to fall from the balcony above us.
At first I thought that perhaps our upstairs neighbor was watering her plants or throwing out some mop water, something household-related, etc. But the water kept coming - at increasing volumes. We yelled out "осторожно!" and "ей!" until the SO heard us yelling and came out, saw the water, and yelled at the neighbor upstairs himself. To which upstairs neighbor replies - "хватит курит!"
Now pardon me while I exercise my right to use my living space as I please and smoke on my apartment's balcony. I thought I was in Moscow, not Palo Alto. I understand not wanting your apartment to smell of smoke - which is why we were outside in the first place. Can windows not be closed? Can balcony doors not be shut?

I'm not even sure she was throwing water at us for the smoke - maybe it was because she heard two people speaking a language that was not Russian and decided to drown the foreigners.

So how exactly should I deal with this person?

I think I'd just threaten her with a call to the uchastkovoi. Most people don't usually enjoy their visits. You don't really want to retaliate and risk their doing the same, I assume. Short of throwing water back at them (not a particularly bright idea if you're below them) I can't think of anything else.

Ned Kelly
24-08-2004, 12:50
an umbrella.

DPG
24-08-2004, 13:07
I am in the opposite position - I live on the top floor (and I am a non smoker) and the people below smoke so much that occassionally my balcony seems like it is located above the BAT factory one metro stop away!!

I have often been tempted to get a garden hose connected up and accidently drown them when they do it...at least they don't smoke in the lift I suppose - if they did that (the most henious of all crimes) I would have to electrocute them!

My worst balcony experience of late, was looking round to the next balony one morning and seeing a half naked babushka simply staring at me...didn't half wake me up with a jolt of horror I can tell you - in fact, I haven't been able to have a nightmare-free night's sleep since...!

polly
24-08-2004, 13:11
i hear you, dpg. the thing is in our case, i barely smoke out on the balcony. i don't smoke that much at home unless we have people over (rarely) in which case i'd say the vast majority of smoking takes place in the kitchen. i don't like things smelling all smoky either, but it's not like we are plaguing her day and night. it's been about 20 minutes TOPS of balcony smoking since we moved in about a month ago - and she's already got the bucket out.

camus
24-08-2004, 13:13
Originally posted by polly
i hear you, dpg. the thing is in our case, i barely smoke out on the balcony. i don't smoke that much at home unless we have people over (rarely) in which case i'd say the vast majority of smoking takes place in the kitchen. i don't like things smelling all smoky either, but it's not like we are plaguing her day and night. it's been about 20 minutes TOPS of balcony smoking since we moved in about a month ago - and she's already got the bucket out.

Just the Russian way of doing things -- doing my remont at 4am is OK, but if I hear a whisper out of you 5 minutes after 8, I'll rip your f*cking head off ...

sfjohns67
24-08-2004, 13:36
Originally posted by polly
So how exactly should I deal with this person? PM sfjohns. Best rates in Moscow.

J.D.
24-08-2004, 13:50
Well Polly, coming from another non-smoker

I see some trash on the outside window ledge of my kitchen window I stick my head out to get it and suddenly I'm getting cigarette ashes in my hair. I look up and and my neighbors are dropping cigarette ashes, butts and other trash out of their window and a good bit of it lands on my window. When they smoke on their balcony mine stinks. When they smoke in the stair well my corridor stinks. I'm surprised that you got this reaction because every Russian I've ever complained to about cigarette smoke laughs at me and says something like "This is Russia you stupid ****" and every non-Russian I've ever complained to said the same thing and added "why do you think I came to Russia? It was to get away from pansies like you." So either your neighbor hates you for some other reason or he is an angry non-smoking stupid American, possibly me.

Zephyr
24-08-2004, 14:05
Move to the top floor of your building.Any complaints you can piss on em'.

Blaked
24-08-2004, 14:56
I had two friends over and one decided that we should go out on the balcony and smoke. The woman upstairs, who lacks a fan, keeps her windows open all the time. She stormed downstairs and rapped on my door. MY friend, who was wearing a holster with a handgun in it at the time, opened the door and asked her to excuse us. She wouldn't have it - she barged in and chewed me out for blasting music (which wasn't too loud - I was playing Coldplay mp3s on my computer speakers, which is what I play to put me to sleep.) I just proceeded to drink my beer and giggle at her and eventually she left. She got her way though - I've never had a conversation on my balcony after midnight on a weekday since. We get along well enough now.

My helpful hint regarding the woman upstairs. Get two big male friends - one with a gun and one with a bucket of water. Wait until she leaves her apartment, and then demand that she apologizes. When she does (or if she refuses,) tell her that you're not convinced and hold her head under water for 20 seconds. Repeat this process about five times and then take her keys. Open her apartment and drag her to the balcony at gunpoint. Have a friend bend her over the balcony and tell her that if she says a word that he'll kill her. Insist that the woman has learned her lesson.

That should do the trick.

lyndsay
24-08-2004, 15:47
Originally posted by DPG
I am in the opposite position - I live on the top floor (and I am a non smoker) and the people below smoke so much that occassionally my balcony seems like it is located above the BAT factory one metro stop away!!

I have often been tempted to get a garden hose connected up and accidently drown them when they do it...at least they don't smoke in the lift I suppose - if they did that (the most henious of all crimes) I would have to electrocute them!

My worst balcony experience of late, was looking round to the next balony one morning and seeing a half naked babushka simply staring at me...didn't half wake me up with a jolt of horror I can tell you - in fact, I haven't been able to have a nightmare-free night's sleep since...!

Same here, but I was naked and she was about 60 something and was pointing with a 5 year old in her arms... I just waved a hi... and reversed casually into kitchen and died of shame..

Kshisya
24-08-2004, 15:54
polly Amanda's advice re uchastkovy is the best. Just warn them if they do it again you will call him ;)

another option is to by a rubber hose, connect it to your kitchen tap and if they do it again just turn on the water and shoot at them in reply! :hooray: sure they wont ever disturb you again ;)

HitAndRun
24-08-2004, 15:56
Verify the creep's apartment number; then check the online database for the phone number in that apartment. Then, go to a phone box or other untraceable phone and call the cops to report a break-in at said apartment. A couple of days later, repeat with fire department or ambulance (since these 2 do nothing anyway, you are not taking them away from any real fires or emergencies). Some friends of mine who were being harassed by a racist did this in NYC; I think that the racist ended up being fined for calling in false alarms. Here, the creep will just go crazy.

Kshisya
24-08-2004, 15:59
Originally posted by HitAndRun
Verify the creep's apartment number; then check the online database for the phone number in that apartment. Then, go to a phone box or other untraceable phone and call the cops to report a break-in at said apartment. A couple of days later, repeat with fire department or ambulance (since these 2 do nothing anyway, you are not taking them away from any real fires or emergencies). Some friends of mine who were being harassed by a racist did this in NYC; I think that the racist ended up being fined for calling in false alarms. Here, the creep will just go crazy.
i fink this advice is not entertaining at all...especially re ambulance as while you'd be playing they could be somewhere with someone who really needs them ~grin~

:rolleyes:

HitAndRun
24-08-2004, 16:02
Again, I reiterate that the ambulance corps here does zilch and there is no danger in this.

This is not entertaining - it is a proven technique - my friend who did this in NY (where it is a bit immoral because the fire department has much better things to do) was fighting against a "brand name" racist, a well known black radical extremist who received sufficient press coverage to be known to many.

You want entertaining advice? Have a barbecue on the balcony, using cow chips instead of charcoal. ;)

Kshisya
24-08-2004, 16:08
Originally posted by HitAndRun
was fighting against a "brand name" racist, a black radical extremist whose views got him coverage in major press organs.
yeaaa ~smirk~ was fighting at others ppl expence!!! i think i don't have even to explain why, purely cheap! :rolleyes:

Zephyr
24-08-2004, 16:09
Originally posted by HitAndRun
Again, I reiterate that the ambulance corps here does zilch and there is no danger in this. This is not entertaining - it is a proven technique - my friend who did this in NY (where it is a bit immoral because the fire department has much better things to do) was fighting against a "brand name" racist, a black radical extremist whose views got him coverage in major press organs.
So, I assume "hit and Run" means you be hittin' the crack pipe and runnin' from the pooolice eh

HitAndRun
24-08-2004, 16:10
If you knew the whole story, which had to do with the political situation in NYC at the time, you would know why he did this. Actually, I think he was wrong to do it there and then - but doing it here, where we all know that the cops and ambulance corps often do zilch, is another story. When I was robbed, the cops ended up stealing more from me than the original thief ever took.

Besides, I think that the minute this ***ch sees the cops at her door, she would shape up and fast, long before anything else needed to be done.

Zephyr
24-08-2004, 16:13
So whats this got to do with smokin' on the balcony ?

rosieredwood
24-08-2004, 17:00
THE TIDAL WAVE!

This is an oldy, but goody from dorm days in the States:

Buy some cheap 5 gallon (~20 liter) barrel, fill it with water and prop it against your neighbor's door so that it "cascades" into her flat when she opens her door in the morning. Even if she has one of those "iron/steel" doors that opens outwards, it's possible to prop the barrel at an angle so the trick works just the same.

polly
24-08-2004, 17:47
how about one of those flaming sh*t stomping bags? ;)

Braders
24-08-2004, 18:11
Originally posted by polly
So how exactly should I deal with this person?

The water isn't able to soak you, so continue to smoke, if it were me i would be smoking like a trooper on the balcony now, they'll soon get bored and more importantly irritated :D

Pb3O4
24-08-2004, 18:22
What about a simple but effective solution, just throw a water balloon it may be not easy or precise to make a vertical shot but at least you are making a point.

polly
24-08-2004, 18:25
Originally posted by Pb3O4
What about a simple but effective solution, just throw a water balloon it may be not easy or precise to make a vertical shot but at least you are making a point.

you find me some water balloons in this city and i'll fill 'em up! (regular balloons just don't cut it. they'll bounce off the wall before they break!)

lucytupper
25-08-2004, 10:10
Polly,

What time was it?

How loud was your chatter and giggling?

Would you like it if someone under you did the same?

What other noise or activity do you do to irritate your neighbours?

yankee@moscow
25-08-2004, 11:43
In reality, I'd consider 2 things. 1. Move to another apartment. 2. Stay there and figure out how to work around my neighbor's rudeness without getting wet.

All the other stuff would be a blast, but do you really want to start (or egg on) a war with a neighbor? It's not worth it! No matter what, you are not going to come out ahead in this situation. You'll always be wondering what's next!