View Full Version : Have I got news for you...

04-08-2004, 14:33
Weightwatchers spokesperson admits that
entries to this years Slimmer of the Year
contest where "disappointing".

04-08-2004, 14:34
US denies being caught unware by Martian sneak attack.

04-08-2004, 14:37
Troops mystified over missing watches after visit by
U.S. Secretary of Defence, Donald "the dip" Rumsfeld.

04-08-2004, 14:40
Iraqi government spokesman admitted dissappointment at the low turnout for the 1st annual Bagdad Boot Sale.

04-08-2004, 14:41
Whitehouse denies allegations that cheating
is "widespread" in American politics.

04-08-2004, 14:46
MacDonald's claim takeaway sales double
after introduction of local delicacies in South
Korean outlets.

04-08-2004, 14:47

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to
become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest
hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO
baby talk!
"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always
reminding them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend? "I
went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your
GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!"
She then asked Mitchell what he had done "I took a
ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride
on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People'
She then asked little Alec what he had done? "I read a
book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher
said. "What book did you read?"
Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his
chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT."


04-08-2004, 14:50
City officials to abandon plans for more "women only" car parks.

04-08-2004, 14:54
President Bush "concerned" over quality
of British reinforcements to Iraq.

04-08-2004, 15:16
F.D.A. "concerned" over secret ingredient of
McDonald's new orange smoothie range.

04-08-2004, 15:34
Originally posted by boscoe
City officials to abandon plans for more "women only" car parks.

hahahahaha! ok Boscoe that got a chuckle out of me ;)

04-08-2004, 16:45
Homeland Defence spokesman warns public to be on their
guard as wave of Bengal Tiger letter attacks hit US mainland.

04-08-2004, 16:46
Tensions rise after North Korea announces successful
test of Quick Drying Cement bomb.

04-08-2004, 18:08
French President, Jacques Chirac, ponders the
wisdom of his secret Camp David meeting with
President Bush and Secretary Rumsfield.

04-08-2004, 18:46
very good

04-08-2004, 20:16
LOL.. That was funny

05-08-2004, 17:23
America warns of heavy penalties for Iraqis who refuse to "car pool".

05-08-2004, 17:24
A soldier halts traffic during another unexplained occurrence
of "ambulatory binbag phenomena" in Iran.

05-08-2004, 17:27
An elderly man and his associates where ejected from a British airwaysflight today after allegedly making lewd overtures to cabin crew. Flight Attendant, Mia Butreeks, claimed: "He repeatedly asked me to kiss his ring".

05-08-2004, 17:28
Riot police test new "hacker secure" communications device.

DJ Biscuit
05-08-2004, 17:33
London zoo opens new endangered species attraction

DJ Biscuit
05-08-2004, 17:35
Catholic priest sex scandals on the increase

05-08-2004, 17:50
After creating 10 user names distraught poster ratchets up the pressure on Expat.ru webmaster to release DPG’s telephone number and address…


06-08-2004, 17:36
US Air Force unveils bold new strategy in bid to cut "friendly fire" losses.

06-08-2004, 17:40
Pentagon "disappointed" that pictures developed from the camera of missing tourist Innosranets - last seen reversing at speed from a US army checkpoint in Bagdad - reveal no clues as to his disappearance.

06-08-2004, 17:41
Surprise greets announcement of new supplier
of water coolers to Kremlin

06-08-2004, 17:42
Three frustrated commuters wave their timetables in anguish as bus after bus fails to stop for them in Tel Aviv today.

13-08-2004, 15:25
Organises of a recent expat fancy dress party refuse to comment as to whether Ned Kelly made an appearance

13-08-2004, 15:28
But photographic evidence proves overwhelmingly that Innosranets was indeed there ending speculation that he was indeed missing in Iraq

13-08-2004, 15:34
Expat.ru Business News:

Marlborough anticipate record sales after new "Marlborough Woman" marketing campaign.

Regular poster Sheepy (76, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwlllantysiliogogogoch, wales) say’s she is thrilled to be the ‘new’ face of the popular brand.

13-08-2004, 15:38
After much angry debate over the soaring cost of travel
incurred by the Royal Family, the Queen and Camilla do
their bit to ease tensions while spending the weekend at

13-08-2004, 16:10
Eurostar's new 'Asylum Class' is 'breaking all records' a spokesman commented at a press conference held today

13-08-2004, 16:13
Good Work Fella !!!


14-08-2004, 15:46
Originally posted by boscoe
President Bush "concerned" over quality
of British reinforcements to Iraq.

FYI: The trooper depicted is not a Brit: He is a member of the US Army Fife and Drum Corps in historically accurate (Rev War) garb.

Musicians in both the US Army and Marine Corps (maybe the other services as well; I don't know) were traditionally uniformed in red (and wear red dress uniforms to this day).

This made them easier for officers to locate in the middle of a battle---important, since they were once needed to relay orders via bugle calls, drumbeats, and fife tunes.

The fact that it also made them easier targets wasn't important until the advent of rifled muskets in the second third of the nineteenth century, which increased the effective striking range of regular infantry by more than 600% (and greatly improved accuracy).

Y'learn something new every day....

14-08-2004, 19:57
You’ve never heard of ‘comedy licence’? :badclown:

FYI – the last one wasn’t really Eurostar’s ‘Asylum class’ either ;)

14-08-2004, 20:11
Originally posted by boscoe
You’ve never heard of ‘comedy licence’? :badclown:

FYI – the last one wasn’t really Eurostar’s ‘Asylum class’ either ;)

No kidding?! My God, you sure had me fooled!

Don't tell me that's not really the Queen and Camilla P-B, either...?

14-08-2004, 22:32
From Economist.com's guide to Moscow:

Whether you are mingling with expats or Russians, get to know them before broaching subjects such as corruption, contract killings or other corporate crimes. Russians are often sensitive to criticism of their country or comparisons with others. Keep small talk focused on what a booming town Moscow is these days or where they like to spend their holidays. A safe subject is sport, particularly Russians who have done well in international competitions. Some Russian women strongly dislike Anna Kournikova, though.


14-08-2004, 23:11
amusing!! - nevermind russian women disliking Ms Kournikova, i think thats an international thing.