View Full Version : Amusing Newspaper Headlines

Len Ganley Stance
29-08-2008, 12:02
You'd wonder how much the Editors of the newspapers in question are being paid.

Len Ganley Stance
29-08-2008, 12:03
and last but not least.............

29-08-2008, 12:06
mhuahuahua "Army Vehicle is disappeared after camouflage" :D :D :D :D

29-08-2008, 12:12
Here's another.

Should we start feeding them Wheaties?

Len Ganley Stance
29-08-2008, 12:22
Here's another.

Should we start feeding them Wheaties?

That reminds me of a joke.

In the old days – between the First Cold War and the new Second Cold War, so, in other words, the week before last - the US and Russia are holding a joint Army Military exercise. An American General and a Russian General are talking.

Russian General (proudly) : “Soldiers in the Red Army each get 1500 calories of rations per day”

American General : “Soldiers in the US Army each get 12,000 calories of rations per day”.

The Russian General ponders this for a moment, before responding with “That is impossible. No-one can eat that many potatoes in one day”

29-08-2008, 12:26
That reminds me of a joke.

In the old days – between the First Cold War and the new Second Cold War, so, in other words, the week before last


29-08-2008, 17:03
Some are just slips of the tongue

* Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
* Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
* Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
* House passes gas tax onto senate
* Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
* Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
* William Kelly was fed secretary
* Milk drinkers are turning to powder
* Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
* Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
* Farmer bill dies in house
* Iraqi head seeks arms

Some become unintentionally suggestive

* Queen Mary having bottom scraped
* Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
* Prostitutes appeal to Pope
* Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
* NJ judge to rule on nude beach
* Child's stool great for use in garden
* Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
* Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
* Organ festival ends in smashing climax

Grammar often botches other headlines

* Eye drops off shelf
* Squad helps dog bite victim
* Dealers will hear car talk at noon
* Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
* Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
* Miners refuse to work after death
* Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
* Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:

* Never withhold herpes from loved one
* Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
* Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
* Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious

* If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
* War dims hope for peace
* Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
* Cold wave linked to temperatures
* Child's death ruins couple's holiday
* Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
* Man is fatally slain
* Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
* Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

29-08-2008, 17:09





29-08-2008, 17:10


alex shifrin
01-09-2008, 12:35
personal fave